Recently I overheard two mums in the park discussing how someone in their mothers’ group had her ten-week old baby on formula. Cue: gasps of horror! The tone of this conversation (read: bitch session) was condescending and judgmental. Their transparent lack of support and sense of superiority was appalling. Breastfeeding is neither heroic nor, mandatory. Mothers should not be shamed for feeding their baby, from nipple or teat.
The chorus of “breast is best” is echoed everywhere. And with good reason. No one would dispute the countless benefits of breastfeeding, and breast is certainly the best “first choice” but formula is a fine second choice.
Michaela Fox with her baby. Image supplied.
Breastfeeding, when it works, is a lovely experience. It’s intimate, facilitates bonding and everyone knows the health benefits are unmatched. But it’s not always the “best” option if breastfeeding involves ongoing struggle, or it compromises a mum’s mental health. Too often, enjoyment of new motherhood is eclipsed by pressure and expectation.
A new study, just released by the Murdoch Children’s Research Institute in Melbourne shows the pressure to breastfeed is impacting on the mental health of new mothers. The findings suggest that women who have trouble breastfeeding may be more likely to develop post-natal depression and give up nursing their babies before the recommended six months. Or it could be that women with maternal depression find it difficult to continue breastfeeding.
I enjoyed breastfeeding my firstborn, although it didn’t come easily. I struggled with cracked nipples, poor attachments and a low supply. But my determination was fierce and with the help of a lactation consultant I was able to persevere for close to 12 months. Back then, I had time to express in order to boost my supply, and having only one baby meat that I had small pockets of time where I could rest. And everyone knows that rest is an essential requisite to milk supply.
Image supplied.
My experience with my second-born was fraught from the get-go. She thrashed about at my breast and screamed her little lungs out; it was stressful and exhausting for us both. I felt anxious before, during and after each feed. It was horrible and it inhibited bonding. Eventually she was diagnosed with silent reflux and our Pediatrician suggested we put her on a reflux formula, which I did, but not without some reluctance. But ultimately I felt that in our case, breast was not best. A fed baby was best! Feed times became infinitely calmer and we were able to enjoy these precious moments.
I desperately wanted my third experience to be enduring and stress-free. I wanted to be the mum who breastfed with ease and I placed pressure on myself to “perform” because I thought she was my last baby. But again I had trouble. A severe post-partum hemorrhage interfered with my milk production from the beginning. Still, I persisted, enduring blistered nipples and painful attachments. An unhelpful maternal health nurse told me my nipples were apparently too big for a decent attachment. Her words stung more than the burning attachment. I felt like a failure. My inadequate supply failed to sustain my baby who struggled to put on weight. My pumping attempts produced pitiful results, and with two other children to look after, I simply couldn’t manage it. I topped up with formula and soon after my baby made it crystal clear she favoured the teat over my nipple!
Image supplied.
The World Health Organisation recommends babies are breastfed exclusively to around six months of age, with the gradual introduction of appropriate solids and continued breastfeeding up to two years of age. And we need to ensure that women are given the compassionate support (note to the maternal health nurse who nipple shamed me) to aid breastfeeding. But, mothers need to be supported however they feed their babies because the pressure around breastfeeding can potentially damage their mental health.
To the women in the park who condemned a fellow mum for formula feeding: The shame is on you. A woman who bottle-feeds her baby is not inferior to a mother who breastfeeds her baby. So much of a mother’s self worth is tied up in her performance as a mother. How a mother feeds her baby is not a measure of her performance. It’s so much more than that. Guilt is unhelpful and unnecessary, and shame is unjustified and abhorrent.
Michaela Fox is a freelance writer, blogger and mother of three. She muses on the ups and downs of motherhood on her blog Not Another Slippery Dip, and believes in the ‘good-enough’ philosophy of parenting. She needs to upgrade her car to a people mover when she welcomes her fourth baby in December! You can also follow her on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.
Watch: Rebecca Judd on how she successfully juggles work and family.
Top Comments
Well written:) I have worked with many women whose mental health has been inpacted by the pressure to breastfeed or shame around stopping. Also, many women with a history of sexual abuse find it a highly triggering scenario. So I say women can make their own choices...free of judgment from others!
I don't understand the shaming - better a healthy baby. I was unable to feed, and experienced a few disparaging comments from midwives, but my supportive obstetrician told me at the time that formula will grow a healthy baby, and breastfeeding does not guarantee protection from allergies or other diseases. He said he despaired at the public hospital he trained in, where one day he saw the lactation consultant advising a severely underweight, chain smoking teenage mum, who lived on coke and McDonalds that she needed to persevere and breastfeed he underweight baby. Some midwives are obviously supportive, but some are horrendous. I also was told by a child health nurse at the chemist when I went to get some Fess Drops for my baby's winter sniffles that he wouldn't have them if he was breastfed. Of all the babies born in my group at the time, all of them got the sniffles, breastfed or not (it was Winter!!), and several who grew up to develop asthma, eczema and allergies were breastfed. Looking at all the kids now, years down the track - no one could tell which way they were fed for the first 6 months. Quit the judgement and just help each other out.