Group Therapy: 'My boyfriend of five years doesn't want kids but I'm desperate to be a mother.'

We want your advice. We’re sharing anonymous dilemmas from our readers, in the hopes that the Mamamia community can offer them wisdom and advice. If you have a Group Therapy to submit, email submissions@mamamia.com.au with Group Therapy in the subject line, and we’ll publish it anonymously. Share your advice in the comments below.

What do you do when you desperately want kids, but your boyfriend does not? 

A bit of background for you.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years, and he has recently told me he doesn’t want children.

Since we got together, he has understood my deep love and urge to be a mother through constant comments about pregnancy, my maternal nature, and my love for children (I am a primary school teacher). 

Recently, however, I brought up having kids (which I do often) and he said, "I don’t really want kids and don’t know if I ever will". 

I suddenly felt overwhelmed with feelings of sadness and grief. We had discussed it before, but he had never said that he definitively didn’t want kids. He would often say, "I don’t know or I’m not sure yet". 

For days after his comment, I felt that my entire life and dreams were crumbling. The future that I was so certain of became filled with deep fear and sadness.

I spoke to his mum, with whom I’m very close, and cried saying, "I don’t know how I’m supposed to pick between the love of my life and something that I have wanted forever." 

She replied, "Sweetheart, men don’t know what they want. If you want children in the future, he will want to make you happy and it’ll be okay. Don’t worry too much."

Even though I don’t want children for at least another three or four years, I don’t know how to feel. 

Do I leave my boyfriend knowing that I will resent him if I cannot fulfil my dreams to be a mother? Or do I stay with him and hope that he will change his mind with age or time? 

My friends say that I should talk to him about it, but I am scared that I might hear an answer that I don’t want.

What would you do? Tell us in a comment below.

The author of this submission is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons. The feature image used is a stock photo.

Feature Image: Getty.