Eight things that inevitably occur at every child's birthday party.

I have six birthday parties to negotiate this weekend.

Three kids, six parties, one weekend.

One of my kids is actually invited to attend three of them, one child is attending two, and the eldest is a bit put out as he has only been invited to one.

The dog and I – we received an open invitation to a seminar on how to make money when you sleep. (I politely declined, as I never get any sleep, so it seemed pointless).

It seems my role this weekend is taxi driver, present buyer, lolly-bag confiscator and coordinator of getting everyone to the right location with the right present in the right costume at the right time.

Wish us luck. It is bound to be chaos, fuelled by sugar.

I will give you a taste of what will inevitably occur during at least one, and maybe all of these six balloon-filled events.

1. Your child will unwrap the present before you arrive.

Those inquisitive little minds, those quick little fingers. That deep down need to know. It was just a peek, mum…

2. You will get them there either mega early – or mega late.

If you are anything like me you try to be organised, but somehow seem to slip up.

I have arrived at birthday parties an hour before start. Totally awkward as you stand there trying not to get in the way of the birthday boy’s family rushing around hanging last minute streamers and Thomas the Tank Engine banners.

3. Your other child will have another party at the same time right across town.

Cars don’t fly yet, so when you are designated driver it’s often tricky to get several different kids to several different parts of the city at the same time. I find the best solution is to either team up with another parent and split the drop offs, or just lie.

Sorry sweetheart, Casey cancelled her party today. You will have to tag along at Ava’s one instead…

4. They will not want to go into the party when you drop them off — and then when you get back to pick them up, they do not want to leave.

This is certain to take place when your child hits that magical age of five when you can finally partake in the much longed for DROP-OFF party.

Yep, no more standing around eating your child’s leftover cake they have handed you, while chatting with fellow parents you hardly know about the weather. Its time for your little darling to foster some independence.

But as sure as the party will have a Frozen theme, the one time you really, really have to be somewhere else will be the time your child says, “Mum can you please, please stay this time?”

5. They will eat too much junk to fit in anything but the icing when it comes to cake time.

But they always manage to eat that icing, don’t they?

6. They will get up and leave when they have had their turn at pass-the-parcel.

Have you seen those ever-diminishing pass-the-parcel circles these days? They have come about with this everyone-gets-a-prize style of game we seem to play now, and so inevitably as soon as each kid gets their reward they just get up and head off to the next activity.

Suddenly it’s just the birthday boy and his older cousin sitting there passing that gift back and forth.

7. If they aren’t invited and are just the toddler-tag-along they will have a tantrum when the lolly-bags are handed out.

I want one toooooooooooooooooo.

8. They will fall asleep in the car, hand in lolly bag, face painted like Elsa, smearing light blue and silver glitter across the car seats.

Time to pull over, quietly squeeze the lolly bag from that chubby little fist and hide it…

What other things are guaranteed to occur at each and every birthday parties your kids go to?

Speaking of parties, here are some amazing birthday cakes (that you should probably not show to your kids lest you want to spend three days baking):

Amazing birthday cakes.

Want more? How about:

Are kids’ parties the new wedding?

Sorry George, but denying your kids party food is just plain crazy.