Bette Midler’s not happy with Kim Kardashian for taking off her clothes.
Kim Kardashian’s not happy with Bette Midler for being a ‘fake friend’. Also, for being like, really old.
Miley Cyrus got involved. Pink’s not impressed. It’s complicated.
Over on MKR, two brunettes are glowering at each other across an overly made-up table. They’re having a ‘throwdown’ about who’s deliberately giving low scores to stay in the competition. Fingers are being wagged in faces, ‘dagger stares’ abound.
In the Jungle, a couple of women just went head to head over breast implants, and in Melbourne, six intensely privileged “Housewives” are screeching “Get f**ked,” at each other over cocktails.
It’s ugly. It’s mean. And apparently, we can’t get enough.
An account of the sledging fest between Kim and Bette has been the most-read story on Mamamia this week. Other sites’ numbers would doubtless reflect the same.
TV programmers and magazine editors have long known that nothing shifts units like women being horrible to each other.
“Cat-fights” and “feuds” and “bitch-fests” – all of that fodder is good for business. Because apparently, women love conflict.
Which is kind of surprising. Because statistically, women are much more likely to avoid conflict than men.
Women have their differences, but their relationships extend beyond bitching. Are you a fan of Girls? Listen to The Binge with Rosie Waterland, here. Post continues after video…
Of course, we can’t define an entire gender in stereotypes, but for many, many women, it rings true. “I hate confrontation,” is a line much more readily offered by women than men.
I am one of those women. I do hate confrontation, am made deeply uneasy by conflict. It makes me uncomfortable in my very soul when I feel bad blood flowing around me. Other people’s conflict makes me itchy. My own makes me positively vomitous.
It’s a thing that you just know about yourself, and as you get older, you work your way around it. You realise that everyone liking you is an impossibility, so you drop that approval-seeking grovel. You know that operating at a certain professional level involves having difficult conversations, so you learn to deal with them.
For me, that’s been with a plan, a deep breath and a ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ attitude.
A wise friend once told me that every conversation you are dreading is very, very rarely as awful as you think it’s going to be. And she’s right. Most of the time.
So, confrontation gets better. But sniping and bitching and screaming and finger-wagging? That still makes my stomach churn.
Does that mean you don’t always tell everyone exactly what’s on your mind, all the time? Yup. Is that a Bad Thing? Nope. Honesty, as an excuse for cruelty, is overrated.
I would no more watch 50 minutes of a scrum of women criticising each other’s hair, clothes, partner and children (hello, Real Housewives) than I would kick back and watch a cock fight.
But I’m clearly not the target market of almost every show on TV, because the notion that women just can’t get along is the founding tenant of many a TV show. Think about it: The scheming, demanding boss, the smug mum, the competitive friends, the horrendous mother-in-law, the traitorous vamp who will steal your man… they are all well-worn female stereotypes who will guarantee you one thing: Drama.
Perhaps women love watching women face off because they’re saying all the things we are too afraid to.
Perhaps we love reading about women saying hurtful things to each other because we’re just happy they’re not saying them about us.
Perhaps women have swallowed the myth that aggression is the path to success and we inherently understand that these women will get all the things that they desire.
Perhaps we sense that there are only so many spaces for women in the spotlight, so we relate to the competition of sledging it out to stay under the warm glare of attention.
Whatever it is, the appeal of the Bitch is going nowhere. And it’s not helpful.
Because I hate to break it to the outside world, but women can get along.
When inspired women work together, they can get a hell of a lot done. I only have to glance around my 90 per cent female workplace to see that.
It’s not all like this. Women can get along. Women can inspire each other. Post continues after video…
When mothers support each other, families are happier.
When female friends have your back, there is no greater support.
And while it’s 100 per cent encouraged to disagree with another woman’s choice (let’s say, to take off her clothes for a mirror selfie), taking pleasure in the following internet pile-on is beneath us.
Take ’em off or keep ’em on Kim, but please, keep yourself nice.
It’s time to rise above The Bitch, bitches.
Top Comments
What does " keep yourself nice" mean? Does only Kim have to keep herself nice? Which one of the aforementioned is working ' the bitch appeal ' angle? Is conflict gendered or not? Relax Holly, for most women their lives bare zero resemblance to reality tv and I'm pretty positive that no ones life really looks like their Facebook, Instagram or Twitter account. I haven't had any bitchy antics in my life since I left high school because, well, I left high school. Sometimes people are assholes. Sometimes people in the media ( read women in this case) are presented using lazy tropes and stereotypes such as bitch, cougar, ingénue, airhead, or any or the spice girls personalities etc. This article probably should have gone down the road of why are women portrayed as bitches or anti sisterhood for having /expressing opinions and engaging in conflict. Conflict is just an indicator of differing opinions or perspectives. If you don't panic it is a tool for resolving problems or presenting your point of view.Drama is something else entirely. Sometimes I'm Mother Theresa and other days I'm cruella d'ville. Last week I was mostly a deranged insomniac with a hair trigger temper and no time for bullshit. This week with the aid of sleep and perspective I'm far more patient and willing to let some beef biproduct slide.I'm not one stereotype, which is the problem with using them to illustrate a point. No one is. Characterizing all the individual opinions expressed about Kim after Bette Middlers as piling on means what exactly? No one can express one? It becomes a debate where, from reading the tweets provided, where women have varying views on what's putting your body out there means for other women and that's ok. People are expressing their points of view. They can't kill her and they can't eat her. I have different views from my friends all the time. One particularly unpopular one at the moment is that Trump is not the craziest candidate in this race. (See Ted Cruz' policy spiel. Dear God let Hilary win). One friend called me a deluded crazy bitch and we continued to drink our wine and lazily debate each other.
Now, it's probably clear by this point that I take issue with what you've said. We see things differently and that's ok. I don't like that this article buys into the idea that women who engage in conflict are ' bitching up' or aggressive. I definitely don't like the keep your self nice comment because I'm not sure if you meant she should respond nicely or she should be more demure,( my nan would refer to keeping yourself nice as not being promiscuous/ don't wear a dress that gets you boobs out or risks showing your muff), either way I'm not a fan. Why should women always be 'nice'. It's the beige of adjectives. It's the word that keeps us saying "this might be a silly idea but" or starting sentences apologetically; " Sorry, but I just thought...". Be assertive, be bold, be engaged, be unafraid of judgement. Be so many other things but nice.There are a million points between nice and a stark raving bitch as there are colors on the spectrum.Kim can respond however she likes and get her kidneys out for all I care. This here is a response from a woman your are in conflict with and its cool. I don't think you're a jerk or an asshole. You wrote an article and put it out there, you accepted when you did it that there there could be judgement and criticism. You are a braver woman than I. We don't agree and yet neither you an I are bitches or harpies or harridans. We are the non celebrity variety of women who resolve our issues as adults, talking, debating, enquiring. We don't denigrate each other for not being cardboard cut outs of each other. We disagree, sometimes agree to disagree and then continue drinking.
I enjoyed this reply. I felt like the original article was patronising, sorry. I don't enjoy conflict, but I have no problem asserting myself where I need to. There's a massive difference between asserting a point and being aggressive. I think your readers can recognise the difference between the ridiculous, strange probably made-up or PR-initiated feuds that happen on Twitter/ reality TV (maybe check out that SBS program Unreal?) as opposed to whatever is going on in their own backyards. Also, your opening line about Kim K thinking that Bette Middler is, like, really old… Did she actually say that? Because if not, you've laid down a not-so-nice tone there yourself, I would suggest.