The film The Idea of You on Prime Video seems to be what everyone is talking about right now. The film follows 40-year-old single mother Solène navigating a new romantic endeavour with famous boyband singer Hayes Campbell who's 16 years younger than her (24 years old).
The popularity of this film has got everyone talking about how they would navigate an age-gap relationship and what they believed their biggest obstacle would be.
This is exactly why we asked nine women who are in age-gap relationships to give us all the details.
Here's what they said...
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Beth, age gap: 10 years.
"I'm 42 and he's 32, we've been together for 12 years.
"My issue is my own and not a reflection on my partner but I worry about the following things:
"1. This is the only serious relationship he’s been in.
"2. He didn’t get to have his 'wild 20s' because he was settled with two kids from my previous relationship.
"3. I get anxious when other younger women show an interest in him (my own insecurities).
"I have never reconsidered the relationship and I often forget that he is so much younger as he has always been mature. His youthful enthusiasm is also infectious and I find myself doing a lot of really fun things that other people in their 40s aren’t doing. Also, partnering with a much younger man has meant that I could use my sexual confidence to build his skills."
Eve, age gap: 13 years.
"I am 45 and my husband is 58. We have been together 16 years.
"We both have children from previous relationships. His are both adults (late 20s), mine are late teens (one still in school) and both my children are still at home with us. He is looking towards his retirement years and winding down, whereas I am looking at ramping up my work due to not having the kids to run around after as I have at least 20 more years of work left.
"Our retirement visions also look very different... He would like to live overseas as he sees that our physical form of parenting is basically done, whereas I couldn't disagree more.
"I definitely don't want to live overseas and can't even imagine not being here. I want to stay here and still be physically close to [my kids] should they need it. It was never something we discussed before now. We both had very hands-on parenting styles as the kids grew up and I assumed he would continue to want that once the kids all became adults.
"We can't agree and I'm not sure we will make it through to be honest. Neither of us is wrong in what we want and I know it's actually really common for empty nesters to separate but it still hurts a LOT. At some point we are going to have to make tough decisions."
Sarah, age gap: 22 years.
"We met when I was 29 and he was 52-ish. We got married six months later and now he's 72 and I'm not quite 50.
"The biggest obstacle has been the life stages for sure, as well as sexual requirements. Sadly, there's also been issues with his adult children who are literally my age so you can imagine the 'evil stepmother' stereotype I've had to wage a war against.
"There have been many times when we've stopped to evaluate the marriage and yet, kept choosing to stay together for the love and connection despite the difficulties of not being in the same phases."
Anne, age gap: 12 years.
"I am 35, my partner is 47. We have been together for five years.
"For the most part, we don’t notice the age gap. Our biggest obstacle was discussing our plan to have children. My husband had teenagers already, so it was a big life choice to go back and have more children (which I wanted).
"We now have two beautiful little children but if it was only about me, I would have another. Whereas we agreed from the outset that we would have two... He would rather not be 50 having another baby. Fair enough."
Jess, age gap: 10.5 years.
"We were together for four years and living together but now separated.
"As a man who was much older than me, he thought he was superior/in charge/didn't see me as an equal in our relationship (which is what led to me leaving).
"During the relationship, there were things like when I was with his friends, I felt like I didn't fit in and vice versa.
"We grew up with different pop culture references, music, TV and general goings on in the world — sometimes that was interesting to learn about our differences, but it didn't feel like we had those shared experiences through life."
Kate, age gap: 20 years.
"We've been together for 11 years.
"Other people’s judgements are the hardest thing. They think as the younger women I’m a victim to the older man (all the social dialogue that older men take advantage). It was not like this for me. I was 18 and was pretty independent and mature. He is the most respectful man ever, and I knew he was good.
"He treated me amazingly and all my friends have dated people their own age but they have treated them like s**t. Our friends have never had an issue, but if other people like colleagues find out, they can judge. Most friends can't tell as he looks young.
"Apart from that, kids were the other thing. He didn’t ever rush me, but I probably had kids a few years earlier than I would have liked as we didn't want him to be too old to enjoy kids. Everything else is great. He has travelled and done his career and is super supportive of my hopes and dreams and my career. Don’t judge an age gap is all I can say!"
Stella, age gap: 16 years.
"I’m 37 and my husband is 53. We have been together for 12 years and married for three.
"I think the biggest obstacle has always been our economic disparity.
"When we met, I was a recent university graduate, struggling with a student loan and working low-paying jobs while he was at his peak, making big cash with a house that he owned outright. When I moved in with him, I finished paying my student loan shortly after and he bought a second property.
"With time, I started making more money as I am now at a senior position in my field but I’ve been financially benefiting from his already established financial security and every time we have an argument this comes and my contributions are constantly diminished or totally ignored.
"I’ve supported him every time he’s been unemployed and I have not taken a break from work in eight years. Not to mention, whenever he’s had a job overseas (quite frequent in his industry) I’m the one that's left behind to take care of the two properties including maintenance and bills.
"Age in itself might not be a problem, but the disparity that comes with a large age gap is. In the end money IS power, but we’re still navigating these issues."
Taylor, age gap: 12 years.
"I am 33 and he’s 45. We’ve been together for 8 years now.
"I feel I am not even close to start thinking about having kids and ideally, I would wait another four years or so. It worries me that he will be a bit older then. He’s not putting any pressure whatsoever but I feel like I am running out of time to decide if I want kids or not. The idea of raising a kid without having him around scares me."
Cath, age gap: 19 years.
"I’m 51 and he’s 70. We’ve been together for 27 years, married for 24 and we have an 18-year-old daughter. He has a son from his first marriage, who is 49.
"Until the last few years, we’ve been well-matched. Now, he’d like to retire, but I’m climbing in my career. He’s not as agile with his thinking, his tastes, or habits. Marriage is hard. Sometimes it seems that he acts more like my father than my loved one."
Have you been in an age gap relationship? What was the biggest obstacle? Tell us in the comments section below.
If you want more culture opinions by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.
Feature image: Prime Video/Canva.
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