This article deals with an account of miscarriage that could be triggering for some readers.
“Why don’t you have kids?”
“When are you having another child?”
Nooooo. No. No. No.
These may seem like harmless questions, but they’re not. They can be incredibly uncomfortable for many people to answer.
Canadian woman Lisa Marie has posted about why questions like this are hurtful, and her tweets have since gone viral.
The point of her tweet is that questions about having children are never appropriate. She expanded on her point in two further tweets.
Her thread resonated with many people on Twitter, with the original tweet receiving more than 93,000 retweets and more than 418,000 likes.
Losa also inspired others to share their own experiences.
“We had a beautiful baby boy four years ago but he was under size and under weight. He’s the tallest one in his class now. I started telling people who ask about siblings ‘That’s an intrusive question,’ to give them an out before I explain it and then they feel more awkward,” one user replied.
“My partner has PCOS and I have primary infertility. I still get the ‘oh but it might happen still’ from people who think that’s a good way of dealing. Lots of Internet hugs to you for talking about this,” another said.
Unfortunately the tweet also received unsolicited ‘advice’ from others suggesting adoption or fostering, to which Lisa reminded them that was not the point of her thread.
Repeat after us: Someone else’s reproductive history or choices are no one’s business but their own.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of these questions? Tell us what you think about it in the comments below.
If this article has raised any issues for you or if you would like to speak with someone, please contact the SANDS Australia 24 hour support line on 1300 072 637.
Top Comments
We lost 7 babies before having our beautiful daughter. The worst comments came, surprisingly, from my mother. She was always probing and wanting to know when I was going to start a family. Now that I have a child, she has started on my nephew and his wife. At a family dinner earlier this year she was probing my nephew's wife about it constantly. In the end, I turned around and said that it was no one's business but theirs. For them, it's a lifestyle choice as they don't want to have any children. I just don't get why people have to put their 2 cents worth in!
I’m lucky enough to have one child. When—surprisingly often—someone tells me I should have another, I don’t blame them for not knowing about my lost babies or the grief I feel that it’s not possible. It works for me to listen to their intention, not their words. Tact isn’t everything. Their intentions are usually kind and I value kindness.