Apparently there are too many lonely, single men. I have a message for them.

Dear Men, 

We understand you are feeling... some things. 

Very lonely. Much single, says psychologist Greg Matos. 

In an article he recently penned for Psychology Today, Matos made several points on the reality in which many single men have seemingly found themselves:

1. With so many men on dating apps these days, "women are overwhelmed by how many options they have".

2. That with "so many options, it's no wonder that women are increasingly selective".

3. Because women "prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values", men who are deficit in these areas will be left with "fewer dating opportunities". 

Inhale, 1-2-3. Exhale, 1,2,3. 

Yes, for an article about men, that a whole lotta focus on women. 

But wait, a caveat before we continue: Matos is referring to cisgender, heterosexual men. And, we know, not all men. If you wince and look really, really hard, there are still good ones out there. Thank you, good sirs, and the parents who raised you. 

However...

As any woman will tell you today, the great many fall short. 

that lonely single men article really brought me satisfaction bc there’s finally concrete proof that women raising their standards is actually working

— chanel (@blackpopgirl) August 13, 2022

The article states we women are "overwhelmed" by the many options we have on dating apps. To that, we say nay. 

We are, in fact, overwhelmed in that despite the incredible numbers of men on said dating apps, so many are entirely unremarkable.

"'Sup?" does not make stimulating conversation.

An unsolicited d*** pic is not charming. 

And your sleazy pick-up lines are not cute. 

via GIPHY

Nor is much of the behaviour we encounter when we agree to a date...

We are not here as the audience for your monologue. If you want to at least feign interest in us, ask a damn question.

You are not entitled to 'action' at the end of the night as a reward for your participation - i.e. turning up.

And if you haven't enjoyed our company - that's cool - but don't pretend you did and talk about all the things we will do on the next date and *pfffft!* Farewell, Casper. 

As for those of you who have made it past the first date - and second, third, and fourteenth - but you're still unsure of what you want:

Make a f***ing decision, or move along.

Because dangling the prospect of a relationship by doing, saying and expecting everything that is inherent to a relationship, even though you're still "not ready" to commit after months because FOMO on what might be 'better' is not okay. 

As for the charge that we women are "increasingly selective"...

I'd call that - a greater sense of self-worth.

And beb, I'd sure hope so.

Because after the money we've spent on wine, botox, gym memberships and therapy sessions as a result of being made to feel 'less than' or all out, traumatised, I'll deem that 'evolution'. 

Which is pretty remarkable when you think about it... Because despite thousands of years of systems, structures and societal expectations that have sought to oppress, keep women small or exclude us from opportunities altogether, we've still thrived.

And we won't apologise for it. 

Rather than accept the conditioning to believe we need a man to unlock happiness, we, the modern woman, rebuke with choice.

At least in Australia, we can choose self-determination. Education, career, financial independence, travel, happiness, fulfilment, peace and freedom that is not dependent on our relationship to a man. 

We understand that we no longer need to tolerate. We owe ourselves better relationships - with ourselves, and with whomever we choose to share our time. 

Because, yes Matos, we will agree, us cis-het women do prefer men who are emotionally available, who are good communicators and share similar values. 

Heck, that's the bare minimum.

Because for too long, the bar has been low. Really bloody low.

So, consider this notice: Do better. 

Listen to your partner (or even your ex). Be honest with yourself. Unpack your issues. Deal with them. 

Because there are plenty of great single girls out here. And if - or when - we choose to give ourselves to a relationship, we deserve someone equally great too. 

Keen to read more from Rebecca Davis? You can find her articles here, or follow her on Instagram.

Feature Image: Twitter/DrMatos-TikTok/Mamamia.

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