April Lyda carries the kind of grief no parent should have to bear.
On January 5 this year, her nine-year-old son Zander – known as “the sweetest boy who had the biggest smile” – died in a stabbing attack. But April’s grief is even more unimaginable because the person responsible for her little boy’s death was her own 12-year-old daughter.
Distressing video footage showing emergency services responding to the family’s Oklahoma home went viral after the attack. In it, April’s daughter can be heard screaming “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” as police arrive at the scene.
Later, the 12-year-old confessed to stabbing her little brother to death and expressed immediate regret.
"I ruined my life. I ruined my whole future," she told police.
"I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I don’t know what happened. It’s some demonic s**t.”
Before that fateful night, April – who is a single mum with another young child – said Zander and his sister never had any problems.
“They were close, they’ve always been close, it’s always been just us three until three years ago,” she told NewsNation. “They did yoga together almost every night, they went on trips together, they always sat next to each other, they were always very close. She loved him and he loved her.”
Recalling her horror and confusion, April said she initially thought there must have been an intruder when she heard screaming.
“I was confused and shocked, I thought someone broke into my home and hurt my kids and I thought my daughter ran away for safety,” she shared in an update on a GoFundMe page.
“I did not ever think or imagine that one of my kids would do such a thing.”
April now believes her daughter suffered “a manic episode of some kind” that may be related to a change in her medication.
She said when her daughter cut her arms while on the medication, she took her off it immediately at the advice of her doctor but the "damage was done".
But as far as she could tell, there were no other warning signs of what was to come. It was only after the fact that she found out her daughter had confided in friends about having the urge to stab her brother two weeks prior.
"She reached out to a few of her friends and told them and unfortunately they were maybe afraid to tell their parents, or me," April told NewsNation.
"I had no idea she was having those thoughts. She had begun to go to her room for hours and wanted her own space. I just took it like normal teenage behaviour.”
For the last six months, April’s daughter has been in a juvenile treatment facility and no charges have yet been laid.
There has also been no official report to conclude if her daughter’s medication did, in fact, play a part.
“She has no idea why she did it, she’s heartbroken and feels very guilty but she still doesn’t understand why she did it. She said it was like it wasn’t her,” April shared.
“She just expresses that she misses him and she’s really sorry over and over again.”
April now grapples with crippling guilt that she could’ve done more to prevent her little boy’s death.
“I have promised my children a million times that I would never let anything like this happen to them, I would never allow anyone to hurt them and they have nothing to be afraid of at home because it’s our safe place, you know all the normal things parents say to their kids,” she shared on GoFundMe.
“I felt like I failed him and her both.”
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The bereaved mum now has no choice but to take things day by day as she adjusts to life without Zander, while simultaneously feeling like she’s also lost her daughter.
But while many parents would find such an act unforgivable – even from their own child – April says she wants her daughter to come home “after her treatment”.
“She has been very well-behaved the entire six months she has been gone. I’m very supportive of her and love her very much,” April wrote.
“Obviously there is a lot of healing that we both need before we can ever live together again and she needs mental and emotional help after this, she could have permanent damage we don’t know yet, but she has not had any issues (since being in a treatment facility).”
Image: GoFundMe.