food

From the Lamington burger to 'pickle buns': 7 burgers that really shouldn't exist.

I think we can all agree that objectively speaking, burgers are a near-perfect food. They can be altered to suit most dietary restrictions and have the perfect combination of textures and taste.

But like all perfect things – the ozone layer, the 1994 animated version of The Lion King and civil discourse – the human ego has ruined it to bits.

No longer do we respect the tried and true formula of patty (meat or plant-based), salad, sauce and cheese sandwiched between a bun, with rogue combinations involving doughnuts, pickles and deep fryers entering the mix.

It’s obscene and we shan’t stand for it.

From the lamington burger to the sacrilegious ‘galaxy buns,’ here are seven burger monstrosities we’d like to see extinct.

In other food news, apparently six fries are the perfect portion of chips, and excuse us? Post continues below.

Video by Mamamia

1. The Lamington burger

Adelaide burger joint, Chuck Wagon 175 recently shared their Australia Day burger and Australia is furious.

The plain silly creation involves a double beef patty, double bacon, double cheese combo wedged between two lamington buns. Not only does this sound gross but we have questions: What about its structural integrity? Why would you mix chocolate and meat? Why?!

This is an un-Australian abomination and it should be our constitutional right to refuse its existence.

 

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2. The pickle burger

This is proof that you can have too much of a good thing. Although this is technically a sandwich over a burger, hear us out.

Not only does this piece of work have more acid than Victoria Beckham’s morning routine (she drinks hot lemon water and two teaspoons of apple cider vinegar), the pickle to filling ratio is all off.

Also, bread is great.

 

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3. Galaxy Buns

In all fairness, Bar Luca is consistently rated as one of Sydney’s top burger restaurants and this was a limited-edition burger designed for Sydney’s Vivid Festival, but still. Stop adding food colouring to things. It’s silly and does nothing for the burger.

I could also make a point that food shouldn’t look like a Picasso painting, but I’ll save my killjoy finger-wagging for the next burger.

 

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4. Krispy Kreme burger

Look. I like fun, I really do, but this is too much.

Between the bacon, the beef patty, melted cheese and the double Krispy Kreme bun, it’s too much fun.

Unless you plan on giving your heart valves an enema post-consumption, you will probably lower your life expectancy by 3.27 years. Don’t do it, it’s not worth it.

 

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5. Camembert burger

Described as a “luxurious hamburger,” Japanese burger bar, Dom Dom Hamburger lets you scoff an entire wheel of Camembert in one go. In between said overload of cheese is another slice of cheddar cheese, with two beef patties to break up the lactose. You also get a bit of honey sauce and black pepper, for… balance?

Each to their own but hard pass, please.

 

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6. Deep-fried cheeseburger

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. This monstrosity looks like a massive arancini burger that’s been drizzled with a ‘signature cheese gravy’. Even worse, thanks to all that deep frying and excess cooking, the finished result looks kind of dry – the ultimate burger sin.

Those willing to test their arterial integrity can find this Frankenstein-esque creation at Perth-based restaurant, Greenhorns, but maybe get cleared by your GP first.

 

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7. Burgers that are so high you can’t eat them with your mouth and hands.

Akin to the ‘freak shake’ fad of 2015 to 2017, monster burgers have seemingly stuck around. However, it needs to be asked: if a burger requires utensils for you to eat it, then can you honestly even call it a burger? What is the point?? Instead, what you have is a mess of soggy bun, minced meat and too much sauce.

We are not impressed.

 

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*Drops mic*.

Have you tried any of the above burgers? Did you enjoy them? Prove us wrong in the comments below.

Featured image: Instagram @barlucasydney and @cm175.

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