By: Heather Gray for The Good Men Project
Heather,
God, I am so pissed to be writing this. I seriously want to tell everyone to just F off. Honestly, that might end up being my option but I thought I’d get your take.
My wife is gorgeous. By nearly anyone’s standards of beauty, she’s simply beautiful. Me…not so much.
We’ll see people look from her to me when we enter a restaurant. I’m always watching other men check her out. It’s been more than fifteen years and guys have always asked me “how I landed her”. Women have asked her “what she sees in me” and have insulted her implying that she’s with me for financial gain.
With holiday events coming up three different people have asked if I’m bringing my “smoking hot wife.”
What the hell do I say here? I’ve told people that kind of talk offends me. I have asked them to be respectful but it feels like we’re up against something bigger: it’s this cultural obsession with looks and beauty that we can’t escape.
I’m so angry. I am tired of being made to feel like I am somehow less than. I’m tired of being made to feel like I don’t deserve her or that I should be grateful she chose me.
I’m just tired. Help?
***
It sounds like you feel like David fighting Goliath….that it’s you and your wife against the world. After fifteen years of defending yourself for something that really has nothing to do with you, I don’t blame you. I’d be over it, too.
I don’t know if my take on this is going to be the same as others. I bet we’re going to get all kinds of comments to this one.
My take may not work for you and your wife so I certainly invite others to jump in.
Top Comments
First world problems eh? Poor bugger.
I wonder if this is a conversation that lots and lots of men have. When I see photos of couples on social media, I would say that in the majority of cases the woman is 'hotter' than the guy, sometimes by whole orders of magnitude. It's pretty common. I think it's just a reflection of the fact that women are traditionally valued for their looks and men are traditionally valued for their success.
All that says is that you personally find women more physically attractive than men. Good for you - that isn't a universal constant though and certainly isn't everyone's opinion.
I'm just going to leave this here...
"Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?" - Lorelei Lee, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, 1953.
Hmm, not sure if I agree with your sentiment. I think that if a woman if more conventionally attractive than her partner that it's probably a relatively objective opinion and one that is easily agreed on.
In a single case I can agree that it might be a given, but to say 'the majority'. Umm, nope, as I said, not a universal constant, just how you see things.