I’m writing this post in anticipation of people wanting to talk about the images we published on this post by Alexis Fretz about the premature birth – and death – of her son Walter in the 19th week of her pregnancy.
It was not a decision we took lightly. We discussed and debated it both with the women in the office and those who contribute to Mamamia remotely. Many of us are mothers. Several of us have lost babies during pregnancy and during birth. We know about the intense and overwhelming pain and grief and isolation and darkness that descends after such a loss.
But we didn’t all agree on whether republishing this incredibly personal, intimate and graphic account of Walter’s birth was the right thing to do. Some of us felt the images were too distressing. Some of us worried it was exploitative. Some of us were adamant that if Alexis wanted Walter’s story to be shared (and she expressly did), then we should honour that.
We all put forward our thoughts, our concerns, our fears and our opinions. In the end it was my call and I take full responsibility for it. I lost a baby at the same stage of my pregnancy as Alexis. I understood her motivation for wanting to share her story and the photos she and her husband took of their beautiful baby son. When I lost my daughter, it was years before social media and even the prevalence of websites. I found it impossible to find any way to connect with women who had experienced anything similar to the loss I was going through. What I wouldn’t have given to have been able to find a story like Alexis’s.
Top Comments
I had to make the most heartbreaking decision to terminate my little girls life at 20 weeks, due to severe spina bifida, hydrocephalus and arnold chiari malformation. I went through the labour process knowing I would have to say goodbye to our much wanted and loved little girl. My little girl was born, heart still beating, looking very much like little Walter. I too have photos of her, and treasure the small amount of time I got to spend with her. She blessed our lives, and enriches every day for me. Life is about new beginnings and endings, happiness and pain, loss and gain. Everyone has their own personal stories, and no one should be allowed to judge their decisions as they haven't walked in their shoes.
Pain from losing a baby is universal! Everyone copes in a different way! I think it is wonderful that Alexis could share her pain and maybe help someone else with theirs.
My precious Lukas was stillborn at 37 weeks in September last year. While I dont agree with the political/religious aspect of the original article I applaud Alexis for sharing her tiny person.
When Lukas was born my partner and I took as many photos as we could, my 8yo daughter held him and had photos taken with him too. I then shared Lukas with the world. His picture was put on Facebook, it was shown to everyone. It was my way of validating his tiny, brief yet meaningful life. He never took a breath but is still my baby and is still an important part of our lives