January is 'divorce month'. Here’s why relationships fall apart at this time of the year.

For years, January has been known as 'divorce month'. 

Google Trends show an increase in searches relating to divorce, and for the first few months of the year, lawyers, such as myself, see a spike in couples filing for divorce. 

The cause of this sudden increase in marriage breakdown boils down to one thing: the holidays.

But first, learn what people admit when they knew it was time for a divorce in one of The Motherish Confessions video series. Story continues after video.

To be specific, it’s the disillusionment that unhappy spouses feel when the holidays don’t meet their expectations. 

Here’s how this breakdown can happen.

Holiday financial pressure.

On top of the interest rate rising through the RBA, people’s living costs around Christmas tend to increase dramatically. 

At this time of year, we buy gifts, entertain guests and try to keep up with everyone around us. If you spend time with family or friends with different financial statuses and expectations, there might be social pressure to live above your means to accommodate others. Or perhaps your children are begging for a trampoline or Xbox, which you can’t afford, but you also don’t want to let them down.

This extra spending can lead to extraordinary relationship stress and takes its toll on partnerships. Additionally, when relationships are already experiencing difficulty, people can be tempted to buy expensive Christmas gifts as a quick fix. This can further add to the financial burden and never works to fix the underlying relationship issue.

Spending time with family and in-laws.

Dealing with your own extended family can be hard enough, but dealing with both your family and in-laws in the same week can break the best of us. 

Christmas is supposed to be a time when we enjoy time with our family. However, the unrealistic pressure to get along often backfires, resulting in family arguments, resentment towards our partner and in-laws and a relationship breakdown. 

Conflict in parenting styles.

The Christmas period takes us out of our usual routines, which can be incredibly destructive if kids are involved. In many families, there is one primary carer who is more often at home, keeping the kids in a routine. Suddenly, the working parent, who hasn’t been exposed to the routine, is also at home. The working parent may try to step in and help or disagree with how their partner manages the children. This can cause disagreements and disruptions to the whole family. 

Changes in behaviour from parents can affect the kid’s and parent's stress levels, including their sleep. Being stressed and tired is a quick way to inflame arguments when everyone is overwhelmed and simply trying their best. In general, having everyone home around Christmas can cause conflicts between the entire family and be the breaking point for marriages.

Additionally, there can be conflicts in the parenting styles of grandparents, in-laws, and friends who are influencing your children. These differences can cause additional stress and pressure. Particularly when boundaries are not respected, and others step into your parenting role. If your partner does not advocate for that being inappropriate, it can cause hostility and resentment in the relationship.

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The pressure of travel and small children.

Many people travel interstate by car or plane with young children to see family for Christmas. This can be a stressful experience, especially if there are travel delays and the kids are unhappy. Stressed parents may take their frustration out on each other, leading to arguments and resentment. 

Keeping it together for the kids.

Some couples who have already made the decision to separate choose to stick it out until Christmas for the sake of the kids. They may already be planning to divorce but want to give their kids one last happy Christmas before actually going through with it, in January.

Goal setting and re-evaluation.

Early January is a time for self-reflection, goal setting and starting fresh. We tend to evaluate where we are, and where we want to be in the future. If our relationships aren’t serving us, we may have more clarity on how to move forward at this time of year, and sometimes that might mean parting ways with our partner.

The author of this article created Detox Your Divorce, in order to provide an array of supports including, yoga, nutritional support, divorce coaching, grief coaching, financial support services and more. You can find out more here.

Feature Image: Getty.

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