'The worst thing about dating after divorce is not what you think.'

This article originally appeared on Medium.

My Sex and the City girlfriends have a question. I guess it's a fair ask. But before I get to that question, I'll preface this piece with something I routinely say.

"One of the easiest things about dating after divorce, explains the most difficult."

You know what I'm alluding to.

Here's a clue.

It's a three-letter word that will make some men do, and say anything. Sex is the easiest aspect of dating after divorce. Men and women can undoubtedly find someone to hook up with.

It's a no-brainer.

It explains the most difficult part of dating after divorce, too.

How do you meet a man who wants a meaningful relationship?

"It's not easy," I say to my friend.

"It's because we're setting the bar higher," she says.

"I know," I say. "But who knew it would be this hard to find a good guy?"

Watch: Three dating mistakes women make after divorce. Post continues below.

We aren't interested in the three-letter guys.

But to each their own.

Grown adults make the decision that's best for them.

Everyone does divorce dating differently.

Some women want to be adventurous after their divorce. Some women are more conservative, some are middle of the road, and some go through their wild child stage.

It's not only women.

I've spoken to men about this topic.

A few guys have told me they went through a wild child stage when they first divorced. They've described it as part pain, part acting out, part freedom, and part availability.

They might've emphasised the availability part.

As one man said, "My buddy just got divorced. He said it's not like when we were young. You can find women everywhere who want you, aka sex."

They've also said what I already knew. Those aren't the women they want a future with.

My divorced friends and I have been discussing dating, and our philosophies. There's been dissension amongst the ranks lately.

A bit of robust discussion amongst the girls.

It led to a question.

"Why can't women do what men have been doing forever?" says one friend. "Men can have sex with whoever they want. But when a woman does it, she's labelled."

"Look," I say. "I'm going to tell you the same thing I would've told you in high school. Guys don't want the women they can easily hook up with. They want it for that night, maybe a few more. They don't want to date that girl."

"It's not fair," she says. "Women should be able to do what men do. We're all adults. We should be able to do what we want."

"Nothing's changed," I say. "It may be a double standard but it's a tale as old as time. It's not going to change."

My friend is frustrated.

I'm not sure she should be.

Why? We've already discovered that dating after divorce is pretty much a grown-up high school. It might be worse than high school. I'm not sure I should've prefaced it with 'grown-up.'

It's a bit of an oxymoron.

You get the point.

I think some people did the dating thing better as teenagers.

This past year has been an educational nightmare. I joked with my divorced girlies that I'm not sure any of us would've ever gotten married if this had been our experience the first time around.

The topic came up again recently.

I began to view it from a different side.

"I don't want the 'bar stool' guy either," I say. "I don't want a man who's a dog. A guy who's willing to sleep with a bunch of women isn't the guy for me. I want a more selective man. I'm not saying he can't have a history but a guy who's sleeping with a lot of women. Nah. Don't want him."

"I know," says my friend.

"So maybe it's not exactly a double standard," I say. "In high school, it might've been because we gravitated toward the bad boy. He could get away with it. It made him more alluring. Not so sure it does now, at least not to me."

"Correct," says my friend.

"The guys I've met who are like that post-divorce are players," I say. "At least when we were younger, they hadn't grown up yet. But the men who are currently players. That ship has sailed. They aren't going to mature out of it. It's who they are."

Of course, if that's all a man wants, that's his prerogative. Likewise, if that's all a woman wants it's her prerogative. Not everyone is looking for a commitment.

Not everyone is going to 'do single' the same.

But we're basically 'grown-ups' living under similar rules as when we were younger. The world of relationships hasn't changed that much. The guy is still looking to get the girl.

The girl is still looking to get the guy.

And it all revolves around a three-letter word… sex.

This article originally appeared on Medium and has been republished here with permission. For more from Colleen Sheehy Orme, follow her on Medium or Instagram.

Feature Image: Getty.