Imagine you're sitting in a hotel bar waiting to meet a stranger. You know his name, but that's it.
Nerves kick in. You've never spoken before. Will you even have any chemistry?
Take a breather, it's okay. You're meeting a male escort. This is where the fun begins.
For Samantha*, this is a regular night out as someone who "trials" male escorts.
Yep, it's exactly what it sounds like. Samantha meets the man to sus his vibe and ability to deliver in the bedroom and then reports back with a review to Her Confidant, a female-founded male escort service.
Founder Anna Grosman gets hundreds of messages from men who believe they are up for the job, but only a select few make the cut.
Anna thoroughly vets them to ensure they are safe and have sexual wellness checks and then it's Samantha's turn.
"I think a lot of them think, 'Oh my God, this is the best job ever. I'm going to get paid to have sex'. I don't think they really understand the dynamics of it," Samantha tells Mamamia.
"One of [Anna's] first questions to them is why do you want to do this? A lot of them say, 'Because I want the money' or 'I'm really good at sex'.
"It's about them and what they get out of it, whereas the men she vets who get through to the next round it's about the woman."
Watch: Anna Grosman Owns A Male Escort Agency. Post continues below.
While the sex itself matters, it's the lead-up to intimacy that's most important.
"You've got no rapport with this person beforehand and you're going to have to make her feel comfortable. Not a lot of men have those social skills or emotional intelligence," Samantha said.
"A lot of men in Australia have grown up on porn, so their understanding of what good sex is is really different to women's understanding of good sex. It's often worlds apart."
The "Italian stallion".
The evening is meant to play out with a drink down at the bar before they move upstairs, where the man has prepared the room (think a playlist curated to set the mood). From there, he'll ask Samantha if she needs time to freshen up or offer her a bathrobe as he sets up for a sensual massage. Then it's down to business.
Not every man will be suitable for the role. Samantha has found that out the hard way.
She thought she was meeting an "Italian stallion". Instead, she spent her night with a "lame donkey".
On paper he was perfect: Italian, cultured, educated, son of a psychologist.
"The way he responded to the questionnaire was wonderful. Anna was excited," Samantha said.
"He was really nervous. I think that nervousness came out as he was trying to overcompensate. He was posturing and peacocking."
After an awkward 20 minutes at the bar, where Samantha spent most of the time asking him questions, they went upstairs to find he hadn't prepared the room.
"He felt very uncomfortable… He wanted me to lead."
When she suggested the massage, which is used as a way to build intimacy without sex, she was shocked by his reply.
"He said to me, 'How about you massage me first and we'll swap'. I'm like, 'I don't think so, buddy'."
"He didn't offer to get the bathrobe for me, so I'm like, 'Alright, I'll just take my clothes off then'."
After "slapping" massage oil on her, Samantha decided they should wrap things up and have sex only to discover he couldn't get erect.
"Then he kind of implied it was my fault, that men are built differently from women and they need help… I said to him, 'I'm meant to be a client. If I was this client I'd be asking for a refund."
His excuse was she wasn't his type and he needed more time to make that connection, but for a role like this, that's just not good enough.
"I don't need to be your type. This role is about finding something attractive about every woman. We're all going to be different heights, different sizes, different backgrounds. It's your job to manufacture connection."
To make matters worse, this unfolded in "dead silence".
"It's probably worse than any date I've ever been on."
Listen to what it's like to hire a male escort on Mamamia's No Filter. Post continues below.
So, what earns a rave review?
A good escort will ask the client about themselves and is usually funny, Samantha reveals.
One man she met even looked like Leo Woodall — and she definitely wasn't mad about it.
"A good companion will lead and take charge because the woman's going to be nervous," Samantha said.
"She might not have had sex for a long time, she might've been divorced for years, maybe she's a single mum who hasn't had time to be on the apps. They're going to have nerves, they're going to be scared. He'll talk you through it."
At the end of each two-hour trial, Anna calls Samantha to check she is okay and to hear her extensive review.
"I'm brutally honest because women deserve to feel good about themselves and we deserve to feel respected and cherished."
Despite the odd dud, Samantha's experience has overall been positive.
It's a way for her to experience intimacy focused on pleasure without the disappointment of a bad date.
"This service is cathartic bc these men are just there to please and that's not always the case," she said.
"We're taught we're the object and it's aggressive and a bit violent and it's all about the man and he just does his business
"Young men are taught this is what's gratifying and women are taught this is what we should like and this is how we deserve to be treated.
"Women deserve good sex."
*Name withheld for privacy reasons.
Feature image: HBO.
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