'It was as if a mask I never knew about had been removed.' 3 women on the one day that changed everything.

The day-to-day can lead to weeks, months, or even years and before you know it you are stuck in a repetitive cycle, disconnected; as if your glow or ‘spark’ has been put out. 

We all know the saying, ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup,’ and there’s no faster way to empty your cup than forgoing your self-care and not living authentically. Even if you know you’re running on empty, that doesn’t make changing it any easier.

Maybe you’re a mum trying to reconnect with yourself. A woman trying to achieve that career dream you’ve always had but that’s stayed out of reach. Maybe you’re a single woman figuring out your identity. 

These three women know what it’s like to feel out of sync with themselves. But then, one moment changed everything. Here are their stories.

After I had my son I really struggled with my identity. In him, I had a new direct report who was super demanding but didn’t speak to me. My new job as a parent was relentless and came with little thanks. I lost my sense of purpose and that filtered through to all aspects of my life. I’d find excuses as to why I had no time to exercise, or prioritise my own wellbeing, which is common for so many new mums.

When my son became a toddler I realised I needed to start looking after myself, both for my health and for my mental wellbeing. One of the things I missed most from before I became a parent was my long walks.

Three to four times a week I used to throw on my gym clothes, pop in my headphones, and just go walking. I never had a particular route in mind and always picked different streets and paths to wander. I’d listen to whatever music I felt like at the time – sometimes it was peppy and upbeat, and other times it was slower and deeper if I had some emotional thoughts to work through. I always find music so cathartic and it helps me process whatever's on my mind. My walks used to make me so happy. 

So, I sat my husband down and told him I really needed to carve out that time for me again. He was totally on board. I realised I'd been a bit of a martyr in that I blamed being a mum, having a child, being too busy to prioritise myself, but the only person who was losing was me.

We engineered our week so that my husband would do daycare drop-off two mornings a week, so I could get up and go. Now, twice a week and once on the weekends I wake up, splash my face with water, moisturise and pop sunscreen on, then throw on my activewear I've laid out the night before, and off I go.

(Before my sunscreen, I go for the Neutrogena® Hydro Boost Water Gel as part of my routine. It’s a lightweight moisturiser, great for my combo skin and perfect for applying before a walk because it’s not thick or heavy. It doesn't feel greasy on my face or make me sweat more when I walk – it’s just a really good hit of lightweight hydration.)

I give myself two hours. So for the first hour I just walk, paying no attention to the direction or distance – I love exploring new streets and discovering new little pockets of my neighbourhood. Then when the first hour is up, I put my home address in maps and work out a new route home. 

Sure, it's great for my physical health (I love seeing my step count on my Apple watch!), but mostly it's for my mental health – I plan my day and week in my head, have creative thoughts and ideas for my work and get a great sense of gratitude for all the good things in my life. I arrive back home feeling energised and motivated, and I’m a better mother and wife because of it. And to me, that’s what makes me glow – prioritising being happy.

As a young girl and teenager I was obsessed with women’s magazines. In the UK where I grew up, Just Seventeen Magazine was peak sophistication and when I was finally allowed to use my weekly allowance to buy it, I was hooked. 

By the time I reached year eight in 1992, I started a magazine with my best friend. It was called ‘2000’ because: The Future, and we sold it at recess to our mates. Sadly, it went bust after issue one, because apparently no one wanted to pay for New Kids on the Block fan fiction. 

But my dream of working in ‘the media’ continued as I studied communications at university and held out hope for a glamorous career in London. 

It all changed however when after graduation, I went travelling and fell in love with an Australian. 

We married in 2003 and settled in his hometown of Newcastle, NSW and I found ‘glam’ media work to be in low supply. I had some good roles in the communications industry, but none ever felt quite like me. My dreams remained unfulfilled but I wasn’t unhappy, I was just young and in love. 

A few years later, I hoped that becoming a mum would be the making of me. My concerns about having a mediocre career would no longer matter because I would find a new purpose as a mum. 

It turns out that motherhood was the making of me, but not in the way I hoped. 

I loved my little boy, but emotionally I struggled as a new mum, and with the drudgery of day-to-day parenting.

Motherhood got me asking a lot more questions than ever before. Who am I now? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Will I ever reconnect with my old self and my career dreams? 

As I wrestled with all of those questions while feeling judged for not being a ‘perfect mum’, I looked around for other women like me.

I began writing and pitching articles about the challenges of parenting to magazines, blogs, and websites. 

The more I wrote honestly about parenting and the many hats us mums must wear, the more I began to reconnect to my old self.

My reignited confidence helped me start a podcast and I got a job tutoring first-year communications students at The University of Newcastle.

In 2021, I saw a role advertised at Mamamia and went for it. As a long-time fan of Mia Freedman’s and a freelance contributor, I felt like this might just be the perfect fit.

By this time I was 42, and it was the first job in media I had applied for and desperately wanted.

I was overjoyed when I got the call to say I had got the job. It was like all those years of feeling like it would not happen for me just vanished. I was finally getting the career ‘glow up’ I always wanted. 

I love that I get to interview and write about interesting people or issues and that I have a creative role that has allowed me to come back to myself and my childhood dreams. 

Even if it was 20-odd years later than originally planned!

Sometimes you need to go on a journey to figure out what it is you actually want and so here I am, having just turned 44, almost two years since getting that phone call, continuing on what I hope will be a long and happy career. 

It’s hard to imagine now, but I was once a closeted, confused young woman. I was dating men and perpetually unhappy. Though, I couldn’t put my finger on why that was the case at the time. 

It should have been obvious to me that I was queer – all the signs were there – but I lacked self-confidence, self-awareness, and the courage to really think about who I was and what I truly wanted in this life. 

So, rather than taking the time to get to know myself, I would continue to push down the secret, scary feelings. I would look externally for things to make me happy and run away from the idea that maybe, just maybe, no matter how many parties I’d go to, jobs I had, hobbies I took up, or friends I made, it would never be enough to hide the sadness that was actually coming from inside.

It wasn’t until 27, following years of dating men and taking up therapy, that I had the ‘aha’ moment. The moment that changed everything. There was a long, drawn-out lead-up to it, but I remember the final big click when everything really sunk in for good. 

I was already in a same-sex couple with my now fiancée – it was early on in our relationship – but even then I had never admitted to anyone, or myself, that I actually wasn’t into men at all. I’d only ever scrambled the words together, “I think I’m bi, or maybe it’s just about the person… I don’t know, but I do like women...” 

There is nothing wrong with this mindset, it just wasn’t my own truth.

From that moment on a domino effect began. I would tell my family and friends, I’d write articles about it, I’d post it on my social media without hesitation; I was practically shouting “I’m gay” from the rooftops. It was as if a mask I never knew was there had been removed and my inner self was presenting itself for the first time. I glowed from within. 

It has been the best experience ever; taking the time to get to know myself and to live in my truth. It’s an ongoing process, and each day I make sure I remember that I am so grateful for who I am, who I love, and for the open, beautiful life I’ve worked so hard to have.