By Doreen the Divorce Queen, a guest author on DivorcedMoms.com.
The social landscape for a divorcing person often seems bleak. When a friend is moving from the Kingdom of Couples to Single Land, they need reassurance and support. Instead, what they too often get is abandonment or unwanted and even hurtful comments.
Friends from their married years chose to remain in touch with their ex and exiled them. Neighbours that used to stop for a chat dodge them in the supermarket as though they have caught some kind of communicable disease. Yes, they might seem overly sensitive, but their world has just turned upside down.
You know you’re not one of those people who might say something unkind. But there are still things that you could say in a moment of carelessness that are best left unsaid.
1. “You need to get over this and move on.” Your divorcing friend knows that. They want to do exactly that. But the obvious obstacles to moving on such as finalising the legal documents, separating assets, and sorting out custody arrangements seldom allow a divorcing person to do anything except stay stuck in the quagmire of divorce for weeks or months. And after that, there is the long process of emotional healing. What should you say instead? Tell them you know it takes as long as it takes. The time it takes to heal and move on is not a set number of months or years.
Top Comments
Two of my friends are going through significant breakups at the moment. Both are completely amicable and the right decision for the people involved, but it is still a completely unpleasant time and nothing that anyone wants to go through.
My comment when both of them told me was "wow, being a grown up just sucks sometimes doesn't it" and both of them agreed. Then we discussed the relative merits of taking the slow cooker or the airfryer. I think it is best to just acknowledge it is a tough situation and then let them lead the conversation.
Can I ask, why are they divorcing and how long have they been together? Do you think they are making the right call or do you think they need a little get over yourself treatment for their own good?
I seem to be on a statistical island, none of our friends have divorced, just chance I think.
Suffice it to say, I'm not going to discuss the personal circumstances of my friend's divorces on the internet, however both of their long term relationships have broken down and they have taken a very adult decision to call an end while they can still be amicable. I think it is a brave decision rather than just hanging in there until you truly resent each other.
It is great that none of your friends have divorced but in my experience, divorce like weddings and babies comes in waves. If it does affect one of your friends, can I please suggest that you don't tell them to get over themselves because I've never seen anyone get to that heartbeaking decision without a lot of soul searching, counselling and serious consideration.