Highlights from the week that was.

By MAMAMIA ROGUE

Keeping track of all the news in the week that was is almost as hard as keeping focused on a Friday afternoon. So we decided to try and solve both those problems for you, with a Friday arvo highlight reel of all the bits you need to know.

You’re welcome.

Australia:

1. BREAKING NEWS: A pig got drunk and started a fight with a cow. It made headlines around the world. So this is where we’re at now Australia. Drunk pigs.

The bar bush fight went down in Port Headland WA, after the pig raided a camp site and downed 18 BEERS. Yeah – 18.

He then rubbed up a cow the wrong way and had to be cut off from the booze. He was later seen slurring the words to Khe Sahn and texting his ex-girlfriend. She did not reply.

2. After handing over the keys to Tony Abbott and the Liberals, the Labor Party are doing some serious thinking in the naughty corner about where to go from here. Bill Shorten and Anthony Albanese are both after the top job but after some slight… screw-ups in the past, Labor is now going to extend their newest leadership battle so that their whole party membership gets to vote and it takes weeks and weeks instead of a day.

Geez, that pesky ‘democracy’ thing takes forever.

Meanwhile this happened:

3. Tanya Plibersek will not stand for the Labor leadership, dashing the hopes and dreams of many a Labor voter. Hmmm… Wonder why such a smart and powerful woman has no interest in running the country?

Could it have anything to do with what happened with that Julia woman?

You know the one. She thought being the boss was going to be like this:

But it kind of ended up like this:

Tanya really should take a second to reconsider. The top job seems awesome.

Everywhere else:

1. An anesthesiologist has covered his unconsious patient’s face in stickers to make her look like a member of a gang. Because HILARIOUS. Check it:

The patient is now suing for full ownership of the doctor’s entire Hello Kitty sticker collection. Oh, and a butt-load of his money.

2. Tokyo got the 2020 Olympics, but nobody will care unless Hide and Seek is made an official sport.

A Japanese professor started a committee for the ‘promotion of Hide and Seek’ way back in 2010. He said “I want to encourage sport for all, meaning that anyone can take part, regardless of age, gender or ability. Hide-and-seek is a sport that anybody can play, from children as young as 4 years old to someone who is in their 80’s”.

A four-year-old vs. an 80-year-old in epic Hunger Games style fight to the death (which is naturally the way this thing is gonna go)? Yes please. But only if this kid enters:

3. Diana Nyad, the 64-year-old who was hailed a hero last week for swimming all the way from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage, has been accused of cheating her way across the finish line. Appaarently GPS information shows she was swimming faster than Ian Thorpe back when he did more than wear sweater vests on TV.

Barack Obama’s message to Nyad had to be ammended accordingly. Originally “Never give up on your dreams,” the message was updated to “Never give up on your dreams. Just hold on to the back of a motorised boat until you reach them.”

Yeah. Not as inspiring. His speech writers may be a little distracted with that whole ‘possibly starting World War 3’ thing.

4. Some kid called Nicky Ottav became the most hated person on the internet (for 24 hours at least). Jimmy Kimmel sent a repoter to fashion week to try and trick people coming out of fashion shows into admitting they’ve heard of designers who dont exist.

Nicky Ottav uttered the words “It’s called fashion, look it up,” and that combined with his ridiculous necklace was enough to make him a meme waiting to happen.

Watch the hilarious video (and witness the magic of a meme beginning) here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1-4xJdCt5U

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