If you are a wife, it’s time to check your job description.
Because the Internet has some excellent ideas on how you could be better at it.
“She does your laundry.”
“She knows the 3 Ss – sex, sandwiches and silence.”
“Her mum looks like a better version of her.”
“She can cook like a Latina goddess.”
“She values quality time spent indoors with you, rather than exotic trips.”
“She doesn’t have insecurity problems.”
“You have very few complaints about her.”
How are you doing on that checklist, people?
These are just some of the highlights from the delightful #wifeherif hashtag, that’ve been trending on and off since 2013.
It recently bounced back on the back of a world of helpful and informative think-pieces about “how to know if you have found the woman you should marry” and “what’s the difference between women you date and the woman you marry,” all of which have adorably twee life-lessons, like:
8. The girl you date shows her cleavage all the time.
The woman you marry is more modest because she knows her attributes are for your eyes only.
14. The girl you date has to be entertained.
The woman you marry is someone you can have fun with, relax, do activities, or do nothing together and still enjoy each other’s company.
Aw. Men. It would be almost lovable that they are being suckered into the same insecurity-inducing, self-help nonsense and endless relationship advice articles that women have been slaves to for ever if it weren’t so very depressing.
I am not married, and yet I am very, very married. I have been exclusively with one man for ten years. We have a mortgage and two children together, intertwined families and busy, busy lives. But reading through the lists of attributes that the ideal wife should possess, I had a sudden, blindingly clear vision of why I have never got married.
Many years ago, when I was living in a share-house with the kind of adorable male who once told me that he had stayed with his girlfriend for so long because he didn’t know how to use the washing machine, I made a vow to myself.
I would NEVER learn how to use a washing machine.
No-one would ever stay with me because they couldn’t look after themselves. I would never be the kind of “wife” who was indispensable because of her domestic skills.
Fold your own damn washing. Make your own damn dinner.
I’m just going to sit over here and be interesting and independent.
Now, it seems, that determination for self-determination has made me exactly the kind of woman who does not appear on the #wifeherif lists.