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I'M SO NERVOUS.
The mission to get Hannah back - she's at a wife school in what was once Colorado - is about to get underway, and I just know something is going to go wrong. This is The Handmaid's Tale, after all! We all have trust issues here!
They're introduced to Commander Elijah Vance, who will lead the mission. Hearing him be called commander is jarring but... we like absolutely everything else about this man. It's too bad, because I'm certain he's going to die.
In Gilead, Joseph and Aunt Lydia meet with Naomi Putnam. She enters the room scared that she'll be sent to the colonies and leaves... having been proposed to by Commander Joseph Lawrence.
Honestly, I think it makes sense? They both need a marriage to survive, and Naomi seems to despise literally everything, so she and Joseph have similar energy.
Back across the border, Gilead's creepy fertility centre - Serena's idea, remember - is preparing to open without her.
She tries to twist Alanis' arm, but Alanis is... a stone cold b*tch. Later, Serena goes to Mr Wheeler, tells him how great he is etc, and pretty much guarantees getting what she wants.
I love how time and time again, the women in this series get their way by manipulating the men with flattery.
ANYWAY. IT'S RAID TIME.
Tuello, June and Luke are watching from the American consolute's control room, while Hannah and the rest of the soon-to-be wives prepare to go to bed in... individual, house-shaped tents. I hate to say it, but if this set-up was anywhere else, it'd be cute and cozy.
Hannah shuffles through the illustrations of a book (no words, of course), and... holy shit. Has she been DRAWING?
She's a goddamn rebel, like her mother. I'm so proud of her.
She signs her name as Hannah, not Agnes, and... I am actually crying.
I guess most of us thought that after years of brainwashing, the children who were very young when stolen by Gilead would barely remember the 'before times', let alone long for them.
BUT HANNAH GETS IT.
The excitement is short-lived, as the American planes cross the Gilead border and immediately lose signal.
Gilead got wind of the mission and took down the planes as soon as they crossed into its territory.
There are no survivors.
Well, there it is. The hope and happiness from the end of the last episode has just, quite literally, been shot out of the sky.
The next morning, Joseph calls June to offer the most pathetic apology of all time. He's still on his New Bethlehem bullsh*t, and is now using Nick as the carrot.
But he screws it up when he tells her to publicly denounce the American mission. June, bless her soul, tells him to get f***ed. And then, in a rage, she attacks the garden we've watched her tend to at all hours through the season.
After smacking the flowers, she visits Tuello, who tells her about the deal he offered Nick: immunity, if he comes to Canada and helps the American cause.
He asks June for help in getting him to agree - so she consents to a meeting with the greatest eyebrows on television.
At the fertility centre opening, Serena - post being slapped silly by the woman holding her hostage - and baby Noah are the stars of the show, much to the ire of Alanis goddamn Wheeler.
She insists Serena go home "to rest". Noah needs a feed first though, but whoops! Serena (and the Wheelers nanny, who truly seems like an angel) forgot to bring a bottle.
It's fishy as hell, but the Wheelers are REALLY stupid.
Serena goes to a private room to nurse him, and almost immediately dashes out the emergency exit to make her escape into the first car she can.
Who could have seen that coming?! Last episode, June's advice for Serena in dealing with the Wheelers was essentially "be more like me", and what's more June than multiple escape attempts?
Anyway, you know this show's done a number on me because here I am cheering for the getaway of Serena Joy.
Elsewhere, Nick, his eyebrows and June meet up.
Turns out, it really is quite... pointless. Nick won't help the Americans, because Rose is pregnant and content in Gilead, and June won't move to New Bethlehem because she's not an idiot.
I genuinely feel nothing for them anymore. Commander Blaine? More like Commander Bland, amirite?
At Joseph's house, the wives are discussing Rose's growing bump when Naomi Putnam arrives, chaperoned by Aunt Lydia ("Aunts are on the guest list now?" LOL).
The wives mention that Rose and Nick must be excited, but concerned about possible "genetic issues" with their baby.
Genetic issues? I've been watching too much House of the Dragon, because my first thought was 'WAIT, are Nick and Rose RELATED?' Upon reflection, I think it's a sly dig at Rose's hip dysplasia, which is just another reminder that everyone in Gilead sucks.
Meanwhile, the Commanders pat each other on the back for killing Americans. They have received congratulatory messages from China, Russia and North Korea. What a trifecta!
Earlier, Joseph told Naomi she had a choice following the proposal. But here, it's clear he was bluffing. He places his hand on her shoulder in front of the whole room, which signals exactly what he needs it to.
The Americans are holding a vigil for their dead soldiers, but it's being drowned out by the sounds of Toronto's very angry anti-immigration protestors.
June assists Commander Vance's daughter Emma in reciting the pledge of allegiance before the American flag. It's all extremely earnest... until the gunfire starts.
June jumps on the child as bullets spray the American flag before them.
And there it is again.
That old familiar Handmaid's feeling: despair.
Just in time for the season finale.
Read more:
- Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 1: How to get away with murder.
- Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 2: GET THE F*** AWAY FROM HER.
- Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 3: The wedding that wasn't.
- Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 4: KEEP YOUR SH*TTY STATE OUT OF CANADA.
- Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 5: This is why we have trust issues.
- Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 6: Nothing good starts in a getaway car.
- Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 7: Don't call June Osborne an angel.
- Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 8: We all f***ing love Mark Tuello.
Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer and co-host of The Spill. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.
Feature Image: SBS.
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