Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale finale: RIP MY HEART OUT, IT WOULD HURT LESS.

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I'm surprised it took this long for June to invest in a bulletproof vest. And judging by Joseph's cold 'this is what happens in a fight' attitude, it's not a moment too soon.

It sounds very much like he arranged the shooting as an assassination attempt and no amount of clever, deadpan, quips will make that okay.

Finally, in the goddamn season finale, we get to check in with Janine and the other Handmaids at the red centre. 

They're still slaves scrubbing floors, but Aunt Lydia lets them sing now. Joyful (forced) labour is God's blessing!

But, well, as charitable as Lydia has been, she can't put off assigning Janine a posting any longer.

Code brown! I cackled! Image: SBS.

Enter: the soon-to-be Mrs Lawrence.

Both Naomi Putnam and Janine are resistant to the idea - I mean, there is a lot of baby stealing history there - but Aunt Lydia's sure she's making lemonade out of lemons with giving Janine the chance to live under the same roof as Angela.

In Toronto, Tuello interrupts June's cup of tea to tell her they apprehended the shooter from the American soldier's vigil - one of 'a million angry men with guns', as he says. 

Just like clockwork, June meets another one after bidding Tuello goodbye.

She's struck multiple times by a truck, with a Gilead bumper sticker, blasting 'Kokomo'. What cognitive dissonance. They're not listening to the Beach Boys across the border, dude!

Luke arrives just in time, pulling the man and his gun out of the car and beating him senseless.

Tuello escorts Nick across the border and to the hospital where June lies, sleeping. Luke, meanwhile, has been taken by police for questioning.

I was two seconds from yelling WHY IS NICK HERE, but I haven't given Mark f***ing Tuello enough credit.

I GET IT.

NICK AND HIS EYEBROWS ARE FINALLY GOING TO BECOME SPIES.

Gilead's intended murder of June is the straw that finally breaks the best eyebrows on television, as he realises maybe he's not as influential back home as he thought (and also that Joseph's a ruthless maniac who won't stop trying to kill her).

I take back last week's 'Commander Bland' slander! Come through Nicky!

WE'RE ALL NICK FANS AGAIN. Image: SBS.

Meanwhile, Lydia's plan seems to be going along swimmingly on Joseph and Naomi's wedding day.

Naomi agrees to a trial, as long as Janine pretends her daughter is not actually her daughter.

At first, Janine slots back into Handmaid meekness with ease. Then a Martha comes and delivers the news about June.

"My June?" Janine responds, and stop it. MY June? MY JUNE??? My heart can't take it.

Later, Naomi makes the mistake of talking to her about hope and having a friendly face around the house, and Janine - fresh from learning that Gilead's reach extends even to a place she thought was safe - is just straight up f***ing DONE with being a "good girl". What's the point?

"We're not friends... I think that you are one of the worst people I have ever known," Janine tells her.

"I hate you Naomi, how can you not know that?"

HOLY CATHARSIS THAT FEELS GOOD.

Janine 4eva. Image: SBS.

In Toronto, everyone's panicking.

The driver of the truck has died, and Luke is facing a murder charge in an increasingly unsympathetic Canadian legal system.

They need to run.

As June and Luke prepare to head to the airport, Tuello arrives to say the Canadians will arrest on arrival. Instead, the Americans are sending trains for unwanted refugees west.

(Why are Rita and Moira staying? Can they stay safe? Will we still keep up with them if we leave Canada?) 

Nick arrives back in Boston and walks straight into the Lawrence's wedding reception, to punch Joseph in his smug, murderous face.

"You could've killed her," he yells. I think that was the point, Nick.

Joseph protests that the attack on June wasn't his doing - which means I am prettttty sure it was definitely his doing.

Everyone is throwing caution to the wind in response to June's attack and on one hand I am THRILLED but I am also SO WORRIED ABOUT THEIR SAFETY.

Rightly so, as the Eyes arrive to bundle Janine into the back of a truck, shackled and hand-in-hand with a Martha.

Aunt Lydia has wasted the season trying to reform this hellhole. If this isn't the catalyst for her accepting the only way forward is burning this sh*t down, nothing will be.

I hope her next stop is to ALSO punch Joseph in the face. Image: SBS.

Tuello wasn't lying about the refugee trains.

Hundreds upon hundreds of people are shuffling through a Toronto train station.

As June and Luke join the line, which is flanked by American soldiers and Canadian police, the ol' familiar Handmaid's feeling creeps up again.

It's dread.

Something is going to go wrong.

And there it is: the police have beaten June and Luke to the punch, and are wandering around the train station with wanted posters with Luke's face.

Luke wills June and Nichole on the train without him.

"Come find me," she tells him.

BAWLING. Image: SBS.

We're all blubbering messes at this point, right? I love this show with my whole heart and I know it's supposed to be tough but I JUST WANT SOMETHING TO GO RIGHT FOR ONCE. 

June watches from the departing window as Luke is arrested and taken away.

FYI: things are also going badly for Nick. He's being held in a Gilead cell and being chastised by his angry, pregnant wife. We're ending the season with Luke, Nick and June all facing the wrath of 'justice' systems. 

Back on the train, June composes herself and Nichole - and then she hears a baby cry.

The mother turns towards June and... it's Serena Joy Waterford.

"Hi June," Serena greets her.

June, as stunned as I am, can barely get out a reply: "Hi Serena."

?????????? Image: SBS.

I'm not sure if I am just naïve, but I gasped at that reveal. I'd not even given Serena a thought all episode (sorry not sorry), so this was genuinely a surprise to me. Kudos if you saw that one coming.

With a diaper request and a perfectly placed Billie Eilish track, the train whisks them away from Toronto. Away from Moira and Rita, from the creepy Wheelers, from the hostile protesters and the confusingly frequent visitors from across the border. And of course, away from Luke.

See you in Hawaii.

Read more:

• Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 1: How to get away with murder. 
• Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 2: GET THE F*** AWAY FROM HER. 
• Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 3: The wedding that wasn't.
• Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 4: KEEP YOUR SH*TTY STATE OUT OF CANADA.
• Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 5: This is why we have trust issues.
• Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 6: Nothing good starts in a getaway car.
  
• Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 7: Don't call June Osborne an angel.
• Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 8: We all f***ing love Mark Tuello.
• Mamamia recaps The Handmaid's Tale, season 5, episode 9: This is why we have trust issues

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer and co-host of The Spill. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature Image: SBS.