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Sweet Jesus.
Osher has no time for bullsh*t tonight.
We open on Ciarran doin’ a swear and taking off his clothes.
He comes back out into the cocktail party in casual clothes, without his mic, and asks Angie to go for chat.
He tells Angie that he’s found out his Nan has passed away and he just can’t commit to the show anymore.
He cries.
Angie cries.
The whole of Australia cries.
Angie walks Ciarran to the limo, they have one last kiss, and then he gets into the car.
As the limo pulls out of the mansion driveway, Angie says she’ll never know if Ciarran is the one now.
Somewhere, in the distance, Osher is silently sobbing into a rose that will never again be pinned onto one of Ciarran’s snazzy blazers.
We will never forget Ciarran’s cute braids, fun hats, and that one time he got his Willy Wonka out.
PAUSE.
It’s the next morning and Timm with two Ms is saying he’s probably going to “Steven Bradbury” this whole thing if guys keep leaving and true.
The guys then ask Jamie if he regrets stirring the Jamie pot and throwing people under the Jamie bus at the cocktail party.
He does… not.
Oooooh.
Angie's invited Timm with two Ms on a single date because he does her a giggle.
They get dressed up all fancy like because they're bogans and eat some caviar.
It's not clear whether it's because of the caviar, that time Ciarran left the mansion and broke the country's heart, or the pressure of being the next Steven Bradbury, but Timm with two Ms is bein'... weird.
He seems to have lost his extra M and he's not doin' Angie a giggle.
He momentarily walks off the date and then Oshie has an brilliant idea. They should get into a very silly, very small, rose-themed bath so they'll do a giggle again.
It... works.
Sssssssshhhhhh.
It's cocktail party time.
Jamie be bein' an absolute Jamie.
Angie takes Ryan for a chat and they try to do a pash but Timm with two Ms stares at them from the bushes which is weird of him but also kinda cute.
Then Jamie comes in "like the bull".
He tells Angie he doesn't regret stirrin' the Jamie pot and throwin' people under the Jamie bus.
Angie is like "SIR, I'm sick of you talking about yourself in the third person and also giving me your mum's crusty socks".
PAUSE.
It's rose ceremony time.
Carlin and his face get a rose.
Matt gets a rose.
Jackson and his pies get a rose.
A beautiful man named Alex - who I have legitimately never seen before - gets a rose. (SWEETIE, WHO ARE YOU?)
In a twist absolutely everyone except Jamie saw coming, Jamie does not get a rose.
Angie walks Jamie outside and he reads a letter out loud.
It's a weird moment for all of us but mostly for Angie and for... Osher who is hiding in the bushes still quietly sobbing over Ciarran.
UNTIL NEXT WEEK.
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Catch up on all our recaps here:
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 1: Australia just met the creepiest villain in Bachelorette history.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 3: A man from Angie's past leaves the mansion divided.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 4: A new frontrunner leaves the rest of the men fuming.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: OH NO. Jamie has gone into full Stage Five Clinger mode.