Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: IT DID NOT JUST END LIKE THAT.

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight recaps and gossip, check out the MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.

Everyone is getting ready for the dinner party, completely unaware that they are meeting not only three new couples, but a number of very gossipy ghosts.

By the way, I've spent the past 24 hours reliving Madeline's conversation with the ghosts while she and Ash had dinner. I have concluded that it was the most baths*t thing I've watched in years.

I F***ING LOVED IT.

The narrator says Tim and Sara's "spirits are high" and hahahahahahaha it's a big yes from me to ghost puns.

Lucinda and Timothy are excited about the fresh energies. Knowing Lucinda, she will love the haunting energy too.

Post honeymoon, Madeleine and Ash are awkward as hell. Because HOW do you come back from sh*t talking spirits. HOW. 

"Have you noticed I'm moody," Madeleine asks him. He has, as have a couple million others. Even more if we count the dead!

Oh of course!

Oh, and Jade and Ridge are horned loved up.

At the apartments, Cass and Tristan are back to their wonderful sunny selves.

Tristan jokes that John Aiken took time off from his CIA job to help them out, which is really funny because we all know John was just doing his mid-week self-care. Did you not see the photo evidence I stumbled upon?

Just an excuse to recycle this well thought-out, high budget, intricately detailed image 

OOOH.

NEW INFORMATION HAS COME TO LIGHT.

AND IT DIDN'T EVEN COME FROM A MEDDLING GHOST.

You know it's serious because they flash way too much Sydney drone footage showing ~dramatic weather~.

A groom has told someone, a.k.a Jonathan, that he hopes there is a couple swap challenge because he is not attracted to his wife, and gives permission to whoever he swaps with to sleep with her. Like she's an inanimate doll and not a real human woman with her own thoughts, feelings and desires.

WELL.

WELL.

WELL.

WHO ON EARTH WOULD SAY SUCH A HORRIBLE THING.

Shocking news! I am so shocked!

In the greatest possible turn of events, Lauren is the one with all the details.

And she wants to out Jack as a gross misogynist in front of the whole group — for accountability, but also ratings.

Jonathan is not stoked about it because it puts him in an awkward position, but he promises to back Lauren up.

Lauren tells Sara, and the experts watching on from, idk, the next room over(?) feign the most incredible surprise.

"The bad man we selected did something bad???"

The experts are very happy that Timothy is smiling. The bar is in hell. But also, as the world's foremost Timothy apologist, same.

We learn that Tristan calls Timothy dad, and it began a bit like when we all started saying "lol". It was ironic! Until it wasn't! But it's cute and wholesome and no one in their right mind would object to someone finding a reason to gift them a bottle of Patrón.

Tristan then calls Ridge 'Bridge' and I actually laugh so loud I instinctively rip my headphones out.

Cryingggggggggggg

Bridge then starts yelling 'deece' again and no one has any idea what is going on. 

Mel tries to explain the lingo to Alessandra, which is very funny on its own, but you guys. 

LOOK AT JOHN AIKEN.

"Think of the paycheck think of the paycheck, think of the paycheck."

Ash, Madeleine and the ghosts arrive, and Ash immediately tells Lauren and Jonathan that their honeymoon was "weird". It is the understatement of the century.

Jack and Tori arrive and the women pull her away for a chat while Jack yells her name and watches suspiciously.

As Tori digests the information, Jack is torn away from trying to see what is going on when Ash shares the story about Madeleine crying at the cows. Fair enough, too. That was weird.

Everyone sits down for dinner and Lauren and Jack engage is a truly unhinged staring contest.

What is this

Then it all kicks off.

And Jack immediately claims whatever he said in the gym was a joke. Unfortunately, his joke is missing a key component. Where is the funny part?

Lauren asks Jack to repeat the joke, so they're all on the same page, and he says it is "inappropriate at the dinner table". 

Sure, Jan.

Everyone yells about wanting to know, because above all else we all just love mess. Sara tells them and everyone immediately agrees that Jack is the worst comedian of all time.

He defends it as 'banter' that Tori would definitely understand and be okay with, and Tori... backs him up??? 

GIRL.

GET UP!

Jack and Lauren argue about whether Jack told Jonathan that he wasn't attracted to Tori — but this is DUMB because he's said this MULTIPLE TIMES ON CAMERA. WE'VE SEEN IT.

Jack then comes at Jonathan, using his BiG tOuGh AlPhA eNeRgY to try and stop him from answering his questions.

Then we engage in a battle of semantics, as Jack debates the difference between not being attracted to someone and not having a sexual spark.

Side note what is Timothy looking at

The experts say they've seen this kind of behaviour before and it's nice to know I am not the only one having flashbacks to Harrison.

This is really quite grim, isn't it?

Jack realises he's f***ed here, so he starts getting reeeeallllllll defensive. And for a BiG tOuGh AlPhA, he is reminding me a lot of a yappy chihuahua.

Apparently, Jonathan is the problem. And Lauren is the problem. And everyone who thinks disrespecting women is not funny is the problem.

Oops, our bad!

His story twists, too. Because first it was a joke he definitely would've said around Tori, but now it's a damning breach of the bro-code and meant only for men's tough and, he presumed, sexist ears.

Lauren jumps in to defend Jono AND THEN IT HAPPENS.

"CAN YOU MUZZLE YOUR WOMAN?"

THE CHEEK, THE NERVE, THE GALL, THE AUDACITY AND THE GUMPTION

GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE.

Everyone is shocked and appalled because obviously.

But Jono, in a piece-to-camera, says that he doesn't know who to support.

Noooooooooooo.

Not us having to lower our green flag with Jono's face on it.

He placates Jack by telling him what he wanted to hear and GODDAMNIT JONATHAN!!!!!

Tori leaves the table and the women tell her, again, that what Jack said was horrible and disrespectful.

But she doesn't know who to believe. I reserve all snark because that actually just makes me sad for her.

Lucinda, Light in name and disposition, decides now would be a nice time to welcome the new couples and their fresh energy to "the hood".

"It's not representative of who we are," she says of the drama. "I'm sad they had to witness that."

Bless her soul but it is in fact the most accurate representation of this show they could've hoped for.

That's better

Everything has been nice for Jade and Bridge, because he is like a heat pump. I don't know what that means, but mine never works properly so I hope it is not... that.

Lucinda Light thinks they are "utterly divine" and loves the "transmission of their sexiness".

Michael and Stephen are nice. 

WHAT ABOUT MASH?

Ash says they've got some things to work on. And Madeleine says she was not expecting to be in love like this.

Hold up-

Who is she talking about?

ASH?

HER GHOST?

U fkn wot

Oh. Tristan and Timothy are a wonderful pair.

Timothy opens up about how and why he has trouble opening up. His family's deaths, which we've heard about, but then there is an added dagger to the heart.

His dad told him, before he died, that he didn't like him.

What the actual f***.

I want to hug him through my screen! No one should have to hear that sh*t from a parent! 

BUT HE'S STILL TRYING TO OPEN UP AND MAKE PROGRESS AND TAKE HIS WALLS DOWN AND I AM SO HOPEFUL HE CAN DO IT.

PLEASE.

Lauren is confused as to why everyone is talking about things other than Jack being a dirtbag.

She apologies to Tori for how it went down but said she needed to air it publicly. Because they're on a TV show. And we, the people, like drama.

Tori is not concerned by what Jack said and wants Lauren to butt out, which makes Lauren feel bad.

She's also disappointed by the lack of support from Jono.

Even though, half an episode too late, he confirms that everything Lauren said Jack said WAS what he said. He just won't say that to Jack? 

Then Jono says Lauren shouldn't have even said anything.

They fight, Lauren says Jack won't suck Jono's d*ck (omg lol), and Jack watches on with glee.

YOU GUYS!!!

STOP!!!

HOW DID THIS EPISODE END WITH THAT GUY BEING THE ONE SMILING!!!

Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.

See you Sunday.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:

• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Lucinda is the MAFS hero we need.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: One groom discovers that marrying a stranger is... a lot.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: We will not be listening to this man's podcast.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The season's most chaotic bride.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: 'He's completely full of sh*t.'
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jayden did WHAT with WHOM in front of WHOMST?
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: You can't just compare your new wife to your dog.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The award for worst performance in a reality TV show goes to...
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: THE GENITAL CUPPING IS HELPING NO ONE.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Fake epiphanies, golden showers and cancelled dates.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There is simply too much yelling about yelling.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: No two people have ever wanted to hug less.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A bride brings ghosts to her wedding.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There's one thing you don't bring on a honeymoon.
  

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Nine.