Well, well, well.
If I haven’t spent approximately the last 57 hours stalking random attractive men on Instagram for… research.
You see, tonight Ali Oetjen will meet 18 potential boyfriends in front of The Bachelorette mansion.
Most of them will be… white.
A fair few of them will be called… Daniel.
And at least one of them will end up locked up in a basement with Ali forever if Osher gets his way.
Anywho, as any serious investigative journalist would do, I stalked the fellas in question on Instagram to see whether I could determine who would be the front runners and who would be the, erm, poor souls who walk down the red carpet to clown music.
Here are my conclusions…
The front runners are all white men who look eerily similar yet none of them are called Daniel. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
1. Charlie Newling
Charlie looks exactly like Sasha Mielczarek and Luke McLeod’s glorious bachie love child.
Based on his Instagram profile he seems to like keeping fit, travelling, and hanging out with cute doggos.
2. Taite Radley
Taite is into “fitness” and “wellness” and Ali is a fitness/wellness influencer.
It could be a match made in influencer heaven.
3. Rob Colangelo
Rob has a real job and he looks a little bit like Jake Ellis.
She could do a lot worse.
Here are the, erm, ones guaranteed to get some clown music action.
1. Todd King
Todd be dressed up as a knight for the red carpet.
He also describes himself a “dog dad” and a “wannabe athlete”. Todd possibly lives with his mother.
2. Chey Nei
Chey Nei wears a kilt and he also likes to pose with plants.
Occasionally he looks like a Sons of Anarchy cast member.
Chey is definitely going to be the contestant who will try to win Ali over with some fire-breathing and maybe also a rap.
3. Peter Stephen
Peter’s Instagram bio reads: “Fast women and slow horses will ruin your life”.
That be all.
4. Benny Adamson
No.
Benny looks exactly like the Honey Badger and we’ve already seen that.
It’s… silly.
The first episode of The Bachelorette airs on Channel Ten at 7.30pm tonight.