real life

The most awkward moments from week one of The Bachelor.

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It’s back. The Bachelor is back.

And it’s already given us some pretty spesh moments.

In last night’s premiere episode we met the ladies, and as usual, they largely fell into two categories: lovely, and a little bit loopy. The perfect mix of girls who will win the roses, and girls we will love to watch stir the pot.

But it was Bachelor Sam Wood himself who really won the night – he’s already turned out to be pretty damn loveable, from doing yoga in the garden with one gorgeous girl (that’s right – they Downward Dogged on the first date) to letting his butt be selfied by another.

Each fortnight, I’ll be bringing you my round-up of The Bachelor’s top Diamond Grade Moments – or, in other words, the most charming, cringe-worthy, cunning and cute interactions between Bachelor Sam Wood and his nineteen favourite girlfriends.

IT’S BACK.

Here’s my pick from episode one:

1. Charming.

The ‘Charming’ award has to go to Sam. He works with KIDS, ladies. By CHOICE. Excuse me while my ovaries dance with joy. Tasmanian-born Sam lives in Melbourne, he is the founding managing director of a company that runs sports and fitness programs for primary school kids (breathe, girls), and he can’t wait to start a family.

His dad is his best friend, he’s close to his family – basically, his level of charming is Eric from The Little Mermaid + Prince William + SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy, of course).

Good news: He’s single. Bad news: He’s about to get 19 girlfriends.

2. Cringe-worthy.

Anal glands. Yes, anal glands. Lovely lady Laura is a vet, which means she deals with a lot of animal-y science-y things… including anal glands. And boy, did she mention it. It was one of those ‘I’m really nervous so I’m just going to keep talking’ conversations, which snowballed into an ‘I have verbal diarrhea and did I just say anal glands six times in a row on a first date on national television?’ kind of chats.

Anal glands. Anal glands.

Ah, well. She DEFINITELY made an impression.

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3. Cunning.

Oooh. One of the girls is already proving to be a bit of a troublemaker. Sandra, a primary school teacher from Victoria, will be the one to watch for cat fight entertainment. In fact, she started almost immediately. Some complicated situation where she said something rude about another contestant, and then one of the girls told her she was rude, so she called that girl rude for calling her rude, etc.

Anyway, Sandra addressed the situation in front of allll the other girls – ON PURPOSE – so she could rudely end the rudeness. It was strange. It was awesome.

Can’t we all just get along, guys? For entertainment value: No.

4. Cute.

The White Rose, everyone. The WHITE ROSE. In this season, the single white rose means the recipient can take Bachelor Sam on a date whenever she chooses throughout the competition (provided she doesn’t wait too long and get eliminated first). A woman with POWER.

And last night, it was bestowed upon Heather, an aspiring film-maker from NSW. She called him ‘dude’. He giggled coyly. They discussed their favourite superheroes and talked about wearing capes. Something about their grade six-style flirting was adorable, like you were just hoping one would give the other a wedgie or cooties or something.

Sam gave Heather the fancy White Rose of Imperialistic Importance, giving her a head start in the competition that made some of the more jealous girls a bit twitchy.

And so it begins. They’re off and racing. Except for two girls, who didn’t get a rose last night. But we wish them all the happiness one can find in non-reality-television land.

So. Charming.

So what will happen next in the Bachelor mansion?

Romance, probably. Bitch-fights, presumably. And a whole lot of sequins. Stay tuned.

Want more? Try these:

Rosie Reviews: Bachie Wood meets his 19 girlfriends.

It’s here. Your first look at Season 3 of The Bachelor.

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