'I applied to be on The Bachelor 2022, and it was... a lot.'

I've always wondered what person in their right mind applies for The Bachelor. 

But then again, I've always been in a relationship, and I didn't quite gauge what it's like to be single for more than a month here and there (you're rambling girly, save this for the application).

Anyway, I'm going on almost a year being single, and suddenly competing for the attention of one man in a group of 20+ women (and men!) doesn't seem like an anti-feminist act and more like a legitimate opportunity to find a partner. 

Plus, I'm competitive, and it's weirdly enticing to imagine beating out tens of others to be loved by someone. (This needs to be unpacked with a therapist. I know.)

Oh, but first you should check out the trailer for the latest season of The Bachelorette to get a vibe for what I'm in for. Post continues below. 

So, here we are. I've been tasked with the mission of applying for The Bachelor. 

Do they accept people who work in the media? I don't believe so. Am I under the required age of application (23)? I sure am.

But for the sake of journalism, I thought I'd trawl through the 100+ questions it takes to complete an application, and maybe producers will take pity on my ripe age of 20 (I'm 21 in three weeks guys!) and give me a chance at love.

Here are a few of my application highlights.

Tell us about yourself in a sentence.

Hey, I'm Emma, I'm 20 23, an Aquarius to a T, and my personality type is 'The Protagonist' (ENFJ) which sounds super wanky, but I think it would make me a really interesting character on The Bachelor.

When did you last cry and why?

I last cried in my gym class this morning. I was expecting it to be a strength day, and it was cardio endurance. Chaos ensued.

What are you genuinely passionate about?

Rapping all the lyrics to 'The Sweet Escape' by Gwen Stefani (including the refrigerator part).

What makes you happy and sad?

Happy: Closing my Apple Watch rings.

Sad: Those ABC documentaries about social issues like loneliness in aged care homes and racism in schools.

What fires you up?

• PCR test waiting times. 
• When the UberEats driver can't find my house and I have to go up to the street barefoot in my pyjamas to wave them down.
• The state of the world while I'm in my early 20s. 
• People who don't like dogs. 

What scares you and why?

Thunderstorms and people holding kitchen knives. For obvious reasons.

Do you have any bad habits? If so, what are they?

Falling for men that don't like me back. Help.

What is your best feature?

I can pull off bangs and a blonde bob.

What is your worst feature?

I need constant reassurance that I'm doing okay.

What would be your dream job?

Definitely not an influencer... I'm here for love. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you have a best friend, what is their name and what do you love most about them?

My best friend is Blake. We met in university and bonded straight away because both of our mums are gay. The thing I love most about him is that he's always available to FaceTime. 

What do people find irritating about you?

I take waaaay too long to tell a story, and I use FaceTime excessively.

If you have an Instagram account, please provide the address.

Shameless plug. @emma.gillman.

How many sexual partners have you had? Male? Female?

This seems like an unnecessary question?

(14. Yes.)

Have you ever been in love?

I fall in love at least twice a day. 

Are you ready to fall in love?

Tbh, no. I have a lot of work to do on myself. But isn't that really what this show is all about?

How do you behave when you fancy someone?

I lose all rationality and post far too many Instagram Stories with the hope they might reply to one. If that doesn't work, I'll end up sending a sloppy message after a few cocktails on a Friday night. The usual stuff. 

Are you a heartbreaker or have you had your heart broken?

Heartbroken sun sign with a heartbreaker rising.

If there is anything you regret doing in your past relationships, what is it?

I regret dating under the age of 21, full stop. Someone stop me before I get in another relationship! 

Do you have skeletons in your closet?

Yes. 

What are the top 3 things that put you off when searching for a future partner?

• Hinge prompts where people write: 'I'm overly competitive about everything'.
• The cost of Ubers to and from a first date venue. (On a related note: no, I'm not prepared to enter a long-distance relationship. I'm a junior writer, not a doctor. I can't afford travel at the best of times).
• I hate that awkward stage where you have to text your partner to get to know them. I'm hopeless at keeping a virtual conversation going so most of my love interests fizzle out very fast. 

How would you feel if your partner wanted an open relationship?

I'm surprised this question doesn't come up more in The Bachelor franchise. The Bachelor is literally in an open relationship for three months with a bunch of contestants. That being said, I would not feel good about it.

What irritates you the most about the opposite sex?

Most things. The patriarchal system they benefit from, mainly. 

Are you sporty/outdoorsy give us some examples? If not, why?

Ugh. No, I'm not outdoorsy, and I can only imagine this question is in here because we're in store for another Locky Gilbert (no offence, Locky). If I'm sent on a hiking date, I'll gouge my eyes out. I hate bugs.

Tell us about a typical night out for you?

My flatmate finishes her hospo job at 10pm most weekends, so I'll sit around, watch a movie, and get a little wine drunk until she comes home. 

Then we decide which nightclub in a three kilometre radius will be popping off (thanks @bondi_lines). 

We'll usually hitchhike our ride home at about 2am and pop some mini pizzas in the air fryer for dinner. I wouldn't change it for the world.

If you were meeting The Bachelor or a Bachelorette for the first time on the red carpet, what would be the first thing you would say to him/her?

"How would you rank me physically in a lineup of all the people you've met so far tonight?"

Why are you applying to be part of this TV show?

I thought it'd make a funny article.

Are you prepared to take a medical examination if required?

... I need to know why this would this be required.

(Yes.)

What is the ONE thing you wouldn't want your fellow candidates to find out about you?

I genuinely think I could make anyone fall in love with me and I wouldn't want my fellow candidates to know that because it's rather narcissistic and misguided. 

Plus, that fact would be really embarrassing when I'm sent home at that horrendous point where I'm known enough by people that die-hard Bachie fans would say, "Oh yeah, that Emma girl, she was the one who thought she had it in the bag right?" 

... Don't tell anyone. Please.

Is there any information in this document that you have not disclosed to anyone (including your family)?

Most of it. 

My body count in particular isn't a usual topic of conversation at the dinner table, but hey, I guess that's the price I've gotta pay to be Australia's next D-grade celebrity. 

Pick me and I'll be sure to bring as much enthusiasm to the Bachelor 2022 as I did this application. 

You're in for a ride.

If you'd like to see more of the antics I get up to, you can find me on Instagram @emma.gillman.

Feature Image: Supplied.