7 ways to tell people you don't want them holding your baby.

The arrival of a new baby has to be one of the most magical moments of a person’s life. 

You’re wrapped up in that newborn bubble of squidginess and fear anyone coming along to burst it. 

Enter: your family, your friends and even strangers on the street, who will not only be hanging out to meet your bundle of love but will also want to wrap them up in cuddles of their own. 

Watch how to get a newborn baby to sleep. Post continues after video.

Can you blame us, though? That fresh baby scent.

But not every parent is comfortable with handing around their little creation.

“As a parent, you will have views or preferences about who you want or don't want to hold your baby, and how comfortable you may feel about that, for all sorts of reasons,” psychologist and Associate Professor at the University of Queensland, Alina Morawska, told Mamamia. 

“It could be about the baby's vulnerability, like some babies may have various health or immune conditions or disabilities that make them more fragile and more likely to become ill or unwell if exposed to others. 

“Or parents might just not feel comfortable with others holding their baby or their baby themselves may react strongly to being held by other people.” 

Associate Professor Elizabeth Westrupp, a Child Clinical Psychologist from Deakin University, concedes that it’s a “very tricky situation for new parents to navigate”.

Listen to Leigh Campbell discuss her 32 hour labour and emergency c-section.

“There’s just so much excitement and people often treat babies as objects and kind of forget that they’re their own little person with their own little routine and that the parents are the only people who have an understanding of where the child is at in the day and what they need,” she told Mamamia.

“People often forget that it's a really delicate balance that can be easily disturbed when someone wants a cuddle at the wrong moment.” 

So, as a parent how do you tell people that you don’t want them to hold your baby

1. Consider the context.

“It’s thinking about who you would be okay with to hold the baby and under what circumstances,” Associate Professor Morawska said. “It may be, for example, that you're okay with your close family holding your baby, as long as they sanitise their hands or wear a face mask and so it’s having a conversation around that.”

2. Open up to your close friends and family.

“If people want to go into a deeper conversation with quite close people, it might be done best before the child is born to really set those expectations in advance,” Associate Professor Westrupp said.

“Try not to do it in the moment as much as possible, although sometimes it might have to be. But if you can, do it earlier so you’ll have the best chance of everyone being okay with it.” 

3. Prepare what you’re going to say.

“It’s good to prepare ahead a couple of talking points,” explained Associate Professor Westrupp. “It could be about COVID, it could be about the baby's routine, it could be just your own personal philosophy in the first few weeks where you want a little baby cave where the baby really attaches to you.” 

Image: Giphy.

“It’s just a simple process of preparing a very quick [response]: ‘So sorry but they’ve just gone down for a sleep’ or ‘It’s just not the right time, maybe in a couple of weeks when she's settled and sleeping a bit more regularly,’ and “If she gets woken it’s a complete nightmare, so sorry’.” 

4. Reassure that person.

“If it’s a close person, reassure them that ‘You're really important to us and we really want you to have a strong relationship with our baby and we will make sure that happens,” said Associate Professor Westrupp. “Maybe it's they can hold the baby but at this particular point. It’s just being very, very clear about what the boundaries are and communicating them directly.” 

5. Have a “stock standard” statement for strangers.

“If it's about being approached by acquaintances who say, ‘Oh, what a cute baby, I want to hold your baby’, then it's perhaps just having a stock standard phrase like, ‘I prefer to hold the baby’ or ‘the baby feels more comfortable with me’ or something like that,” said Associate Professor Morawska. 

Image: Giphy.

6. Don’t feel the need to explain yourself

“Parents don't need to feel like they have to explain themselves,” Associate Professor Westrupp said. “It’s okay for them to pick a boundary and hold the boundary but with a close family member that can be tricky, because you're dealing with other people's assumptions and expectations and sometimes these can be really deeply held and quite emotional.”

7. Make use of the baby carrier

“It can also be helpful to take preventative action to avoid these situations,” Associate Professor Morawska suggested. “For example, if you've got your baby in a sling or a carrier it's much less likely that people will grab out to hold the baby.”

Image: Getty + Mamamia.