Let me tell you a story of how 2023 nearly became the worst year of my life when I realised that I’d missed out on Taylor Swift tickets and then it became the best year of my life when I found out my friend HAD A SPARE TICKET AND IT WAS ALL MINE!
So, with 210 days to go until I see Tay Tay in the flesh, I present to you AN EDUCATION ON OUR QUEEN (better known as me convincing my boss to let me talk about T Swift at every possible occasion).
Today we’ll start with a lesson on her hit songs and exactly which high-profile exes they’re about because, firstly, if anyone does revenge right, it’s Taylor, and secondly, the pop star is apparently bringing her retribution to our TVs and I AM HERE FOR IT.
Swift has reportedly met with Succession writer Alice Birch to discuss the possibility of a new “meta-feminist” TV series, according to The Sun.
“Taylor is a multi-talented individual and while her love life has given her ten No1 albums, it is also in the early stages of spawning a new TV show,” a source told the publication.
“She has been introduced to Alice and they have started discussing a possible new screenplay.”
Reportedly, they’re been throwing around ideas. And if her love life has been enough to inspire some of her biggest songs, then you just know that this is gonna be HUGE.
Jordan Alford — Picture To Burn.
Lyrics: "I hate that stupid old pick-up truck you never let me drive/You're a redneck heartbreak who's really bad at lying."
It’s like stepping back into the love life archives for this one because Swift’s Picture To Burn from 2008 is said to be about her high school boyfriend Jordan Alford who cheated on her with her friend, who later became his wife.
Joe Jonas — Forever & Always.
Lyrics: “Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide/Like a scared little boy/I looked into your eyes/Thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure."
With some pretty brutal put-downs, Swift later blamed her lyrics in 2008’s Forever & Always on “teenage drama” after her three-month relationship with Joe Jonas.
Also, Swift mentions gazing at her phone, which any good Swiftie knows is how Jonas broke up with her.
Taylor Lautner — Back to December.
Lyrics: "I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right/And how you held me in your arms that September night."
Unlike Swift’s other songs about exes, this one from 2010 is an apology to a lover she mistreated, according to the songwriter herself. And it’s speculated to be Taylor Lautner, who she dated for a few months in 2009 after meeting him on the set of the film Valentine’s Day.
John Mayer — Dear John.
Lyrics: "Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone/Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?/The girl in the dress, cried the whole way home, I should've known."
Swift’s 2010 hit Dear John was a pretty direct attack on John Mayer (who was 32 at the time he dated Swift, she was 19) and the way he mistreated her, but she later admitted the track humiliated him and he didn’t do anything to deserve the hate.
Joe Jonas (again) — Better Than Revenge.
Lyrics: "She's not a saint and she's not what you think/She's an actress, whoa/She's better known for the things that she does/On the mattress, whoa/Soon she's gonna find/Stealing other people's toys on the playground/Won't make you many friends."
The song that got Swift accused of slut shaming in 2010, this one is believed to be about Joe Jonas and the woman he immediately dated after Swift, Camilla Belle.
Cory Monteith — Mine.
Lyrics: “Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?/You put your arm around me for the first time/You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter/You are the best thing that's ever been mine."
The 2010 song Mine, which described a relationship with a man Swift didn’t yet know, is believed to have been written about the late actor Cory Monteith who Swift only dated for a few weeks in 2010.
Jake Gyllenhaal — We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.
Lyrics: "I'm really gonna miss you picking fights/And me falling for it, screaming that I'm right/And you would hide away and find your peace of mind/With some indie record that's much cooler than mine."
It’s believed this 2012 breakup anthem was about indie-loving Jake Gyllenhaal, due to the lyrics "with some Indie record that's much cooler than mine" and Swift’s red scarf, which the pop star was spotted wearing on a date with the actor.
Jake Gyllenhaal (again) — All Too Well.
Lyrics: "Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it/I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it/After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own/Now you mail back my things, and I walk home alone."
What can we say about Gyllenhaal other than that he was one heck of a muse, because it turns out 2012’s All Too Well was about this ex as well.
Harry Styles — Style.
Lyrics: "Cause you got that James Dean daydream look in your eye/And I got that red lip classic thing that you like/And when we go crashing down, we come back every time/'Cause we never go out of style/We never go out of style."
Some say it’s too obvious. Others say HOW COULD IT NOT BE? Because Swift’s 2014 hit Style followed the timeline of when she was dating Harry Styles between 2012 and 2013. And you know, IT’S HIS NAME.
Harry Styles (another one) — Out Of The Woods.
Lyrics: "Looking at it now, last December/We were built to fall apart, then fall back together/Your necklace hanging from my neck/The night we couldn't quite forget/When we decided (We decided)/To move the furniture so we could dance/Baby, like we stood a chance/Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying."
Swift apparently captured the downfall of her and Styles’ high-profile and high-pressure love story in 2014’s Out Of The Woods. She also referred to “20 stitches in the hospital room”, hinting at a snowmobiling accident that left Styles needing 20 stitches in his chin.
Tom Hiddleston — Getaway Car.
Lyrics: “It was the great escape, the prison break/The light of freedom on my face/But you weren't thinkin' and I was just drinkin'/While he was runnin' after us, I was screamin', "Go, go, go!"
Apparently in 2017, Swift was singing about being on the rebound from Calvin Harris when she dated actor Tom Hiddleston for a brief time in 2016, likening it to a getaway car that she used to escape reality.
Image: Getty + Mamamia.