I love you, Sophie Monk, but WTF is going on with your taste in men?

I started this season of The Bachelorette with a big old grin across my face.

The first few episodes were bloody magical. Sophie Monk proved to be everything Australia thought she was and more – hilarious, charismatic, authentic, sweary, kind, and absolutely averse to bullsh*t.

She put the villains back in their boxes with ease. She was literally all of us when the producers tried to make her walk across the top of a f**king cricket stadium. She didn’t try to sell us the annoying “I LOVE BEING OUTDOORS AND GOING ON ADVENTURES ALL THE TIME” trope. (P.S. That is a total lie, Richie and Matty J, nobody likes going outdoors that much.)

Listen: Zara McDonald and I debrief on last week’s episodes of Bach Chat. (Post continues…)

We soaked in every delicious moment, excited to see who the ex-Bardot popstar would choose to spend the rest of her life watching Netflix with.

“She just wants a normal Aussie bloke!” we all gushed like damn fools. “She wants a hands-on guy who’ll make a great dad one day!”

Obviously, this meant Sophie would end up with George Clooney-esque Luke, or James The Giant Peach. I mean, the choice is obvious. Those dudes are everything Sophie says she’s looking for… right?

…… guys? Right?

RIGHT?!!?!?!?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Hahaahahahahahahahahahaha

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Haha

Hah

Ha

No.

Sophie Monk, if you're reading this, I love you... but your taste in men is kinda ridiculous.

Now that our beautiful teddy James is gone we all know you're going to pick Stu the Publican (a job I didn't realise existed until about three weeks ago), and there are a few tiny bones I'd like to pick with you about this.

You see, you said you wanted a normal dude who was super DIY-ish and wasn't in your regular circles.

But... but Stu is absolutely zero of those things.

Namely because he's A) worth $500 million dollars and therefore has probably never built a flat pack in his life and B) YOU ALREADY MET HIM IN YOUR REGULAR CIRCLES.

The only way you can stuff this up more is if you pick this guy:

It needs to be said that the last 419 words say far, far more about me than they ever will about Sophie Monk. After all, I'm the loser sitting at a laptop stressing over who a stranger decides to spend her life/foreseeable future/next six months with, while she's out there, you know, having a life and being a total lady boss.

Also, Sophie knows better than I ever will what's best for her. I'm the one who just ate two butter-drenched croissants for breakfast after all. And the chances are those dudes are so heavily edited by the production team they're not even real people anymore. I get ALL OF THAT.

But, well, I still care. And love James a little too much.

I love you, Sophie... but can we maybe just bring James back. Maybe?

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