'I'm a sleep consultant. These are the 5 things I would never do with my own kids.'

Having a child is so hard in this day and age. There is so much noise out there in the sleep world. Everyone has an opinion and loves to share their thoughts on how you should raise your child. Companies put out a plethora of sleep products each year, promising sleep deprived parents that their product is the essential ingredient they NEED to have a good sleeper.

This is where I come in.

I am here to wade through the bullsh*t and give you the noise cancelling headphones you need for the sleep world. Let me give it to you straight - sleep should be easy without a million rules.

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So, let’s keep it simple, logical, and scientifically backed as I break it down for you with five things I would never do with my own children as a sleep consultant.

1. I would never put my child to sleep in a pitch-black room during the day.

Now let me explain this one. I know it sounds a bit cray cray, especially given what you’ve been told to believe.  

Melatonin is a hormone that is produced by the brain’s pineal gland. It is known as the sleep hormone because it basically tells the body when to become sleepy. Melatonin works alongside cortisol (the awake hormone) to set your little one’s internal body clock. This is known as their circadian rhythm. Its basic job is to match up with real time and tell them when to be awake during the day and sleep at night. 

Melatonin levels rise in the evening (peaking between 7pm and 11pm) which tells the body it's time for bed and starts to fall between 11pm and 7am. This is when the cortisol starts to take over and wake the body up. 

There is not that much melatonin moving through our bodies during the day. Therefore, making the room pitch black is not always necessary. Cue the big sleep companies who tell you how desperately you need black out blinds to save your child’s sleep (and your sanity). Umm... no, you don’t!

But and this is a big but, the darkness of the room during the day should not solely be dependent on melatonin levels, it should be dependent on your child’s temperament. If they are a highly distractible, highly sensitive child, a pitch-black room will be a great addition for them during the day. If they are not, a grey room is more than sufficient. 

2. I would never have all naps at home in the cot.

This only serves to make you feel homebound and stuck. There is no reason a nap can’t be restorative if it is in a pram or the car. With my kids, I aim to have the first nap on the go, the second nap at home in the cot, and third nap (if still required) also on the go or assisted. 

There are biological sleep windows where the body adjusts its internal hormone levels as it readies itself for sleep. If a child is on a 7am to 7pm routine, as an example, these windows occur between 9am to 10am and again between 12pm to 2pm. It is useful to work out your child’s body’s natural rhythm to work out the best times to put your child to sleep. 

The third nap, however, does not fit within any of these windows and can be a difficult one to achieve. So, I always suggest for it to be assisted (car, pram, carrier, or on you). 

Again, depending on your child’s temperament, this can be tricky. A highly distracted child might find it difficult to settle to sleep in the pram. This takes LOTS of practice. Don’t put any pressure on a nap on the go. Go for a walk 15 minutes before they are due to sleep, bring all their sleep props, if you are using any, and let the rocking motion of the pram lull them into sleep. 

After a few trial rounds, you will learn what the correct environment is for your child. And don't forget it is possible that your kid is not a nap-on-the-go kinda kid! And that’s okay! 

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3. I would never keep my child up for long periods of time hoping they will sleep longer.

When a child is overtired, their cortisol levels rise. This makes settling to sleep and staying asleep very difficult. I always use the analogy of a cup under running water with my clients to explain this. 

By the end of the day, you want to have the water in the cup at the perfect level (representing their drive to sleep) neither under-filled (representing being under-tired) and not overflowing (representing being overtired). 

The tap runs throughout the day and every time your child takes a nap, it’s like having a sip from the cup and the water volume goes down. You want to keep the tap running all day so that you build up enough pressure or drive to sleep for the night. 

Keeping them awake for long periods of time will do the opposite of what you’re hoping to achieve. Their cup will overfill because they are overtired which results in short naps and multiple wake ups throughout the night. Their cortisol levels are too high, and the melatonin struggles to take over and do its job. 

The best thing you can do for your child is follow their tired signs and put them to sleep when these signs become apparent.

4. I would never put my child to bed later at night hoping for a sleep in.

Figuring out your child's unique sleep needs is a game changer. My biggest tip is to write down how much day sleep and night sleep your child has over a three to five day period to notice a pattern. It will teach you how much sleep your child needs over a 24-hour period. 

Once you have this magic number, you will know how to distribute their sleep evenly to prevent them from being over or under tired. 

Let me give you a real-life example. My soon to be two-year-old sleeps two hours during the day and 12 hours overnight. If he sleeps two and a half hours during the day, I know he will only sleep 11.5 hours overnight. He is a child with high sleep needs. 

If, for instance, he misses sleep during the day and only has one and a half hours; he adds the additional half an hour to his overnight sleep. In his case, if he misses sleep during the day (cause you know, life happens!), an earlier bedtime will absolutely work for him because he will add the missing sleep from the day to his overnight. 

Alternatively, if you have a child with low sleep needs - who only sleeps one and a half hours during the day and 10 hours overnight, putting them down for the night with an early bedtime of 6pm will lead to a 4am wake up - no thanks! 

Once you figure out your child’s sweet spot of sleep, it’s like magic.  

5. I would never eliminate all of my child’s sleep associations to get them to sleep through the night.

I’m sure you have heard the term positive or negative sleep associations. I prefer to think of them as parent-led associations or self-led associations. 

A parent-led association is anything a parent needs to do for their child to help get them to sleep. This could be bouncing, singing, rocking, patting, feeding, etc. Self-led associations are anything the child does for themselves to get to sleep. This could be listening to white noise, being in a sleeping bag, or sleeping in a dark room, etc. 

Contrary to popular belief, you do not need to eliminate any parent led association to get a good sleeper. There are plenty of babies that are fed to sleep and sleep through the night. If you are looking to change things up, rather than eliminating parent-led associations, add some new ones in, hero the new associations, and wean off the others you no longer want to keep. 

For example, if you usually rock your child to sleep and want to stop this association, add in a pat while you rock for a three-day period. Step two, stop the rock but continue the pat for three days. Step three, put bub in the cot and continue to pat to sleep in the cot for another three days. Step four, replace the slow pat with the pressure of a firm hand. Step five, relieve the pressure and only have your presence there. Eventually you will have an independent sleeper by swapping associations and heroing others.

When it comes to the sleep of my own children and all my clients, the simple and logical options are always the best. Sleep shouldn’t be difficult.

Wear your mum bun like a crown, throw on your noise cancelling headphones, and remember that you are your child’s best advocate. 

Lauri Goodhardt is a teacher, mum of three and holistic infant and child sleep consultant. Her mission in life is to marry her two passions- sleep and teaching to create a supportive environment for parents that makes sleep easy and realistic. To find out more about Lauri's consultations and sleep products visit her  website or you can follow her on Instagram,  Facebook and TikTok for free tips and advice.

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