VIRGINIA TAPSCOTT: People think stay-at-home parents must be wealthy. But this is the true cost.

Living on a single income is fast becoming a myth as the cost of living continues to squeeze families. 

Increased electricity prices and more expensive food staples, as well as a quick succession of interest rate rises and housing affordability issues means many families have no choice but to attain a second part or full-time income to make ends meet. 

Parenting payments also remain largely inadequate meaning single parents are often forced to struggle on a single income.

But how exactly are families with two parents arranging to have a stay-at-home parent in these economic conditions? 

Holly Explains: Parental Equality. Story continues after video.

Contrary to the popular belief that families with a stay-at-home parent are wealthy and old-fashioned, we heard from many middle income families who are cutting their own path to live on a single or dual part time income.

Common features of single income families appear to be living in rural areas, delaying buying a home, cutting back on spending and negotiating with employers for flexible or unorthodox arrangements.

Here are some of the responses:

Living rurally.

"My husband and I do 50/50 at home with the kids. Our rent is $420 per week and it works because we are freelancers living in a tiny rural town." Rose

“We negotiated a Sunday Monday weekend for my partner so he cares for the baby on Mondays and I go to my paid job. Our employer has been very flexible because we work in a remote area they are so grateful to have competent workers. ” Lucy

“We relocated out of the city where homes are at least a million dollars to where we bought a house on a much bigger block for $320,000. We no longer need to two incomes to survive with four kids.” Sasha

“For many rural families dual incomes are not an option. For me, driving the 50 minutes one day to put my kids into care and then onto work just isn’t feasible.” Jess

“We moved to work on a remote cattle station so the kids could be with me while I work part time cooking and gardening.” Anna

Work flexibility.

“I work 16 hours a week in a well-paid job that has flexibility, paid parental leave and was worth holding onto. My partner runs his own business and also has flexibility.” Grace

“My husband would get home from work at 4pm and we would swap and I would work a 5pm to midnight shift. It was tough but worth having one of us with the kids at all times.” Rosie

“I work 30 hours per fortnight, 6:30am to 9:30am Monday to Friday. I asked for flexibility with work hours and my partner starts an hour later at 10am.” Lisa

Cutting back spending.

“Any extra or unexpected cost takes a long time to recover from financially, we’re lucky to save $25-$50 a week. If the rent went up, we’d have to leave our jobs and move interstate to live with our parents.” Lucy

“Camping holidays only, we hardly ever eat out.” Sasha

“Lots of my friends have kept their oldest in childcare when the new baby is born but we have kept our oldest home.” Bonnie

“We have the same second-hand car we bought 13 years ago,” Olivia

“We live much more frugally than other friends my age. We go on very local trips and rarely go out to eat. We have to make our own fun and often that’s super cheap.” Rose

Delayed home buying.

“Buying a home is on the back burner for us.” Lucy

“We’ve put off buying our own home because there’s no way we can afford to. Not a lot of security but it’s what we decided.” Jasmine

“We delayed our home purchase and rented for six years.” Shelley

While many felt there was an element of struggle, they overwhelmingly believed the benefits of having more time with family outweighed the drawbacks. 

The families we spoke to didn’t experience deprivation of basic needs like food, water, clothing and shelter, but several felt a level of deprivation relative to what their family and friends could afford. Relative deprivation is a fancy psychological term for FOMO. It refers to the discomfort people experience when they are unable to obtain the standard of living experienced by others in their social circle. 

For example, not being able to afford to eat at a restaurant feels worse if all your friends go out for dinner. When feelings of relative deprivation emerge on a broad scale, they can lead to political unrest or social movements to demand better welfare or rights.

Image: Instagram

Most of us realise comparison is the thief of joy but social comparisons can also be pervasive and difficult to ignore. It’s a deeply ingrained human behaviour stemming from a time in human evolution when our survival depended on ‘fitting in’. 

We are also bombarded with social comparisons daily through advertising. Opting to earn more money can reassure us that our kids aren’t ‘missing out’ in a material sense or that we are not being left behind financially compared our peers. The families we spoke to overcame the sense of relative deprivation by remaining clear about their goals of having more family time.

“The pull to earn more money is strong and we have to remind ourselves of why we made these choices and what’s important to our family.” Christene

“We are cash poor but rich in family activities, we have less discretionary spending but hang out with our kids every day.” Danielle.

“It’s been really hard but I’m so glad we chose this path.” Shelley.

Feature Image: Supplied/Instagram