Nobody can stop talking about convicted killer Simon Gittany’s new girlfriend, Rachelle Louise.
Gittany will spend the next 18 years in jail for the murder of his former partner, Lisa Harnum, whom he threw from a 15-story Sydney apartment.
That’s 18 years without parole as punishment for taking a life. But that sentence has also saved a life: Rachelle Louise’s.
As long as Simon Gittany is behind bars, Rachelle Louise is safe. She has that time to get herself out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a dangerous man. And I truly hope that’s exactly what she does.
We all watched Rachelle Louise’s exclusive interview with Channel 7 on Sunday Night in horror. We couldn’t look away as she fiercely defended her man, his innocence, and even his controlling behaviour.
She’s clearly been deftly manipulated by a controlling, calculating man with an eye for beautiful brunettes. Watching Rachelle Louise speak, so many of us could tell that she’s trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship. But would we know if our own friend was trapped in a similar situation?
We consulted experts in domestic abuse, self-help, and women’s protection to bring you some simple, important signs that someone you know could be in the throes of an emotionally abusive relationship.
Warning signs your friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship
There’s no flawless way to spot an abusive relationship, especially when the scars are emotional. But, please, use these warning signs as a decent start.
If a friend is showing any of these, it might be time to help her develop a safe exit plan.
Obviously, none of these in isolation is enough to prove that a friend is the victim of an emotional abuser. But if her behaviour matches any of these, consider how you might gather the compassion and courage to broach the subject with her.
You could save her from a fate like Lisa Harnum’s.
1. Her confidence is bruised.
An emotionally destructive person will tease, criticise and humiliate their partner until they’re a shadow of their former vivacious self. Your friend might be anxious, jumpy, or so deep in self-doubt that it changes the way she speaks and behaves around you, her trusted buddy.
2. She has to ask permission to leave the house.
An emotionally destructive relationship makes a cosy home into a prison. If your friend doesn’t have free reign around her own home, lives under surveillance there, or can’t leave without being granted permission, that should be a huge red flag. Happy couples are autonomous.
3. She uses words like “jealous” and “controlling” to describe her partner.
It’s very rare that your friend will come out and say, “I think I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship”. That’s why you have to look out for subtler hints she drops in her choice of words. Saying he’s “jealous and controlling” could be the closest she’ll come to admitting something’s wrong.
4. She cancels plans with you at short notice, without explanation.
An abusive partner likes to keep their victim on a short leash, constantly reminding her that she belongs to him. Forcing a woman to cancel her social plans at last minute is a swift way to remind her that she belongs to him.
5. Her partner controls what she’s allowed to wear.
A free, emotionally independent woman can wear what she wants. A trapped woman has to follow rigid rules about what clothes she can wear in public, what make-up she can wear, and how she looks outside her home.
6. She cuts phone conversations short when her partner comes into the room.
This could mean her partner is either listening to her calls or monitoring her contact with other people. The emotional abuser wants to keep his partner captive and all to himself, so if she wraps up a conversation abruptly when he ‘catches’ her talking to other people.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you can ring the Domestic Violence Line for help on 1800 656 463 (TTY 1800 671 442). The Domestic Violence Line is a statewide free-call number and is available 24 hours, seven days a week.
Top Comments
Rachelle made a sound decision of being with him knowing what we all know, how is she an emotionally manipulated victim of his? Poor judgement on her part. The victim is Lisa Harnum.
As a mother I have been worried about my daughter and her boyfriend. He met her at school and began texting and messaging her almost non stop. Some of these messages contained content as if he were watching porn movies and asking her questions of each scene he saw. (I know this as her facebook was open one night). I thought she is young will get over this period in her life.Anyway he was also harassing and texting many other girls from his and other schools most told him to get lost. Two years later and she started going out with him. I had been told by one of his "victims" how he got very angry and abusive when she asked him to stop contacting her. Apparently after a couple of weeks of ignoring his 24 hr texts he gave up.
Back to daughter. By the 2 month anniversary our daughter had changed. She had distanced herself from her best friend (she wasn't keen on boy as he had texted her while at school). Then gradually lost contact with other friends. he texts every 5 seconds and they become more frantic if she doesn't respond straight away. We have been sworn about, told we shouldn't have been allowed to have children and that our daughter hates us. He used to pick her up every Sunday morning but then decided she should catch a bus to his place to spend the day with him. She now has his family and one girl he allows her to see in her life. People say she is happy leave them be but I get scared when i hear of this case and others. She was a beautiful caring person now she is selfish and self centred. he has never had anyone say no to him and I get worried what will happen if she does. She has already mentioned to her sister abot one time when she didn't do as he wanted and he got angry and she said it was really scary. Whenever we mention that he has a bit too much control over her life she texts him and he comes and gets her within 10 minutes.
People tel me to stop worrying and I have tried but I am scared of the outcome.
Hi Gigi, this situation sounds dangerous to me. Perhaps you can speak to a counselor or someone who specialises in helping women in abusive relationships. They might be able to give you advice on how to intervene and help your daughter if she needs it. You know your daughter, and you know when something is wrong. Don't be afraid to go in and fight for your daughter and help her empower herself, she may resist now but she will eventually appreciate your support.