You know how it is. You’re a rising or established male politician of a certain age. You’re a mayoral candidate or a US congressman or you’re Head of the Parliamentary Ethics Committee (not because you actually have any ethics – just because it seemed like a good stepping stone). Or you’re just an average punter, hanging out at home watching Netflix. You might married to someone you don’t like that much, or maybe to someone you like just fine. And during your travels you come across a nice-looking lady. Maybe she enters into a consensual sexual relationship with you. Maybe you just have the strong impression that she would like to. But at some point, it comes to a head (so to speak), and you find yourself with your dick in one hand and your phone in the other. You’re about to send a picture of your dick to this lady.
But wait! Stop! Before you go any further, there’s a niggling voice in the back of your mind (or maybe there isn’t, but work with me here) that says, ‘Hm. This could come back to bite me.’ And could it? How can you tell whether texting a photo of your dick to this lady is a smart decision, or one which might bring down your career? When the knock on your door comes, will it be the happy recipient with a lascivious glint in her eye? Or will it be the police? It’s so hard to know where the boundaries are these days.
Listen to the team at Mamamia breakdown how you should respond to an unwanted dick pic. (Post continues after audio.)
Fortunately, help is at hand (ha ha). You don’t have to make this decision alone. We have compiled a list of three quick questions to ask yourself before you send that picture, to make sure you’re not making a catastrophic mistake. So, put down your dick (briefly) and read on…
1. Did this lady ask for a picture of your dick?
This might seem an obvious place to start, but many a rookie has been caught out by sending an unsolicited penis photo. It’s important that the starting point for the dick-texting scenario is an actual request, preferably in writing, from the recipient. It is not enough that this lady may have seen your dick before, maybe even in the flesh. It is not enough that she gave you the side-eye at that boardroom meeting the other day. It’s not enough that she goes to school with one of your daughters. It is essential that she has requested this image; that she is waiting by her phone with bated breath, perhaps with her own iPhone ready.
If she has not explicitly asked for a picture of your dick, don’t send the dick pic.
2. Does this lady have your best interests at heart?
How well do you know this lady? Is she someone attractive you met in a bar, or a close cousin? (If she’s your cousin, don’t send the dick pic.) Is she your longtime mistress, or just an intern? Do you trust her with your political career? Your marriage? Your livelihood, as well as your manhood? It is worth thinking through the lady’s intended purpose with the photo she has requested. Will she delete it when she’s finished? Or might she keep it after she’s had her fun and flash it around to all and sundry? These ladies sure can be tricky.
If you are at all uncertain as to this lady’s intended purpose with the picture of your dick, don’t send the dick pic.
3. Can I count on discretion commensurate with the material?
The discretion of the recipient is, of course, paramount. But you should also consider the nefarious purposes of others. Might someone, the partner or employee or friend of the recipient, or perhaps a friendly passer-by, upon accidentally seeing the picture of your dick flash up on the screen, recognise it for the tabloid paydirt/comedic gold/election swinger it could be? Could your innocent penis end up a laughing stock?
If there is any possibility at all that the picture will end up on the internet, don’t send the dick pic.
If you're still struggling, here's a flow chart, too! Image by Amanda Lavis.
4. Would this photo add to the sum of beauty in the world?
No. No it wouldn’t. Don’t send the dick pic.
This article was originally published here on lipmag.com.au and has been republished with full permission.
Top Comments
to put it simply : dont. geez
In regards to point 1, even if she has asked for a dick pic, this does not mean that she wants you send dozens upon dozens of pix. Send one, maybe two, MAXIMUM. Unless otherwise asked.