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ROGUE: Oh. We've found the dating site of your worst nightmares.

 

Australia’s in the midst of a #bonkban because Barnaby Joyce has ruined the pleasurable mixing of sex and politics for the entire nation, but over in America, it’s a different story.

A new dating website, Trump.Dating, has been launched, promising to “Make America Date Again.”

LISTEN: Have you ever noticed that all the women around Trump look exactly the same? Amelia Lester explains why.

Created by a company called Friends Worldwide Inc, the site is of course not affiliated with the White House – apart from using the President’s actual name in its URL of course.

There are two criteria for members; you must be pro-Trump. And you must be straight.

 

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In line with the President’s own values, though, it’s no biggie if you’re married. The joining process gives users the option to select “happily married” or “unhappily married” when declaring their status.

Which, of course, is fine – each to their own – but it’s an interesting inclusion, considering the whole ‘sanctity of marriage’ argument that gay people had to overcome to be granted marriage equality.

You know, the same gay people who are banned from this dating site that is indifferent to extra-marital affairs.

The site explains itself by claiming, “Dating in 2018 is more of a challenge than ever before, thanks in part to today’s polarizing political landscape.” (And thanks in part to the President.)

Firmly targeting frustrated individuals, the site asks, “Wouldn’t it be refreshing to already know that your date roots for the same team?”

Yes, yes it would.  #Finally. #Relief. Is there nothing that the Trump name can’t fix?

 

Sean McGrossier, founder and owner of the site, is proud to bring the resource to the marginalised and persecuted pro-Trump people.

“Every Trump supporter in America right now knows how hostile the political climate is, forced to hide our loud-and-proud support for the president in colleges, restaurants, chatrooms, and more. With Trump.Dating, users don’t have to skirt around the awkward Trump question. They already know.”

Because being forced to “skirt around the awkward Trump question,” is in direct contravention of the First Amendment, obviously.

There are also a number of options for memberships in other (non-banned) countries, making the site a truly international, non-discriminatory community for straight Republicans.

The number of accounts on the site with Trump-related user names is testimony to the imagination of its members. There’s Trumlover2020, Trumpisbeaut, Trump2017, and Trump1, just to name a few.

 

If none of the above raises a (Confederate) flag for you, you may be interested to know about pricing.

Like many dating sites, membership is free, but if you feel a real connection with someone and want to spend more time with them over a “covfefe,” it will cost you more than your standards.

The launch of the new site has attracted much comment on social media, with some requesting that people do not create fake accounts out of respect for people genuinely seeking real connections. Which sounds excellent in theory, but this author and the member TotallyNotGayNoWay33 can’t make any promises.

 

The author's profile on Trump.Dating if you'd like to connect with her.

The website has launched in direct competition with TrumpSingles, which sounds infinitely less delicious than Kraft Singles. Time will tell as to which site will make America greater than the other.

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