weddings

"Every wedding invitation for singles should have a plus-one."

Dear Brides and Grooms of the world,

Hey! How are you? How’s the wedding planning going? Sorry, I know you’re busy sorting out the 150 mason jar candles complete with a personalised scent for each of your guests, but this will just take a minute.

You know that friend you have? You know the one I’m talking about. The friend you love and adore, but is your ‘separate friend’. You both move in different circles, you have your own friends, but you also love to catch up for coffee, just you two, every few weeks.

I am that friend to Olivia*, and she mine. We met through work and had been friends for a few years when she got engaged. By this time we had both moved on to other jobs but still kept in regular contact, and I was ecstatic when her invitation arrived in the mail. But then I saw it. Staring me in the face. Rose Wilson and … nothing. Zilch. Nada.

There was no plus-one.

Being in my early twenties, Olivia was the first of my friends to get married. I had attended a couple of family weddings when I was younger, but had always been part of the bridal party. This time I was a guest, and I knew absolutely no one.

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The jubilance of my friend getting married was overcome by the creeping feeling of dread as I realised not only would I know no one at the wedding, it was in a rural town. In another state.

Despite this, not for one second did I think about not going. I had to go. I couldn’t wait to see my friend so happy and in love. I would have to push past my introverted tendencies and *gasp*, talk to people.

I arrived in the town the night before after a flight and a bus, checked in to my hotel and ordered some pizza. (This town didn’t even have menulog, the horror).  The nerves built during the next day lasted into the afternoon.

Luckily upon my arrival at the ceremony venue, I recognised a girl who used to work in the same company as Olivia and I, but a different department. She admitted she was in the same boat and we clung to each other for the rest of the evening. And, as fate would have it, our meticulously hand-painted name cards were next to each other on the table plan too.

Seeing a familiar face definitely made me more at ease, but I don’t know what I would have done if she wasn’t there. I shudder to think of the small talk and niceties that would have endured had she not been.

I'm not the only one, Jessica Gross has written of the subject for NY Mag and said, "In the name of empathy and compassion, and with a nod to current social norms, I hereby declare this tradition preposterous. At weddings and other formal occasions — office holiday parties, your garden-variety banquet — every single adult should be invited with a plus-one. Period."

Gross added if the wedded couple had a tight budget, then there should be fewer people invited. And I can't help but agree.

As a slightly socially anxious human, my friends are my armour. With them by my side I am more confident, talkative, witty and you'll find me on the dance floor rather than sipping wine, waiting for the next course to arrive.

There's no doubt about it, if I had been allowed a plus one I would have enjoyed myself more, as selfish as this sounds. Gross puts it so eloquently in her piece when she said, "Yes, a wedding is about celebrating the union of two people, not about honouring the lifestyle and needs of every single guest. But I would argue that the more comfortable your guests are, the more joyful your wedding will be."

I know, I know, there are a multitude of arguments against my cause. "If you go alone, you might meet someone!" "We don't want strangers at our wedding!" "We can't afford any more guests!" I hear your pleas and I understand, really I do, but a) I'll still have as much of a chance of meeting someone if I bring a friend. B) You guys will be too busy being all loved up and stuff to notice me and my friend having the time of our lives next to the chocolate dipped strawberries. And c) we will share our meal and seat if we have to.

However, I must admit there are exceptions to this rule of all adults being entitled to a plus-one. When it comes to family, no plus-ones. They know everyone and most of them will be invited, except the few you purposefully leave out and they refuse to speak to you for the next few years.

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Couples are the other group that probably don't need a plus-one, because who would they bring? Their third cousin twice removed who you met once when you were seven and they wanted to show you how they could eat a worm? No thanks.

But your single friends and friends who don't know anyone, on the other hand, they definitely, definitely need a plus one. Even if it's purely for moral support.

Think about it.

Best,

Rose

*Names have been changed.

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Top Comments

Stella 8 years ago

If weddings were really just about the bride and groom everybody would go to Vegas or marry in their backyard. There's a sense of selfishness that couples have that is truly unreal. If you care enough about someone to invite them to your wedding then you should care about whether or not they're comfortable/happy. For someone to travel a significant distance to attend a wedding is a true sign of friendship. If they can do that for you, why does it seem too much to ask that you care about them as well? The real problem is that when it comes to wedding parties we have our priorities all wrong. People would rather spend heaps on decor and bridesmaids dresses than cater to their guests. I think the simplest solution to these predicaments is to re-look our wedding parties in general. They're just too expensive and sometimes we invite more people than really makes sense. This lady's post is totally understandable and anyone who doesn't concur is either married and therefore hasn't been in her shoes or is such an extrovert that they probably thrive on meeting new people. Not everyone is like that.


Livvy 8 years ago

Sorry, but I'm not paying over $250 per guest (which is the level of service, food and alcohol we want, as is our right on OUR day) at a venue that has 100 people max capacity, to have a stranger at our wedding. We are going to struggle to keep it under 100 people, so there's no way in hell I'm giving a seat to someone I don't know. I would never invite someone who knew no one, I'd likely do what your friend did and put you with someone you'd met before, I'd never leave someone hanging, as a socially anxious person myself. But I had friends at my engagement party who I don't see anymore, and they are in those photos forever. So as if I'm going to have a stranger or someone I wouldn't even think to invite (if your plus one were a distant mutual friend) at the most special and also most expensive day of my life. If you don't want to come on your own, don't come (though I'd probably tell you, oh I've also invited such and such, you'll sit together). I'd be sad if you declined, but your seat (and the seat of your proposed plus one) would be taken by someone we would love to share the day with. Weddings are expensive, and I want to know and love every person present at mine.

Guest 8 years ago

Definitely a $5 salad bowl for your gift.