An abandoned ship filled with cannibal rats is about to crash ashore.

In what is clearly the most bizarre/horrifying news story of the week, an abandoned ghost ship filled with starving rats is allegedly headed straight for the coast of the UK, where it will crash ashore and the cannibal rats WILL EAT EVERYBODY IN A FRENZIED AND HORRIFYING ATTACK.

Let’s just say that again:

An abandoned ship, filled with canibal rats, is floating randomly around the ocean, and is about to crash onto the shore of Britain.

WHAT?

Well, allegedly. Maybe.

Here’s the story:

The Lyubov Orlova is a Russian cruise ship. It was seized in 2010 by Canadian debt collectors, because the ship’s private owners owed a lot of cash. The ship was docked in Canada for a while, but accidentally got loose and drifted out to sea. Canadian authorities found the ship, but were kind of like “whatevs, don’t really want this to be our problem anymore,” so they towed the ship out to international waters and left it there.

Since that day, the horrifying cannibal rat ship has been floating aimlessly around the ocean, just waiting to be made into an awesome B-grade horror film.

Apparently there hasn’t been any kind of radar signal from the ship since March last year, which is why nobody can find it. Maritime officials say they are pretty sure it hasn’t sunk, because there are signals on the lifeboats that should go off when they hit the water. Sometimes something the right size and shape pops up on maritime radar, but that’s about it.

The last time anybody heard anything from the Lyubov Orlova, it had already floated two thirds of the way to the British Isles.

The rat info comes from ‘experts’, who say the rats would have turned to eating each other by now to survive, in an epic, Thunderdome-style ‘every rat for himself’ kind of situation.

Here’s hoping the current doesn’t push that ship towards Australia…

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