After talking to many women, both in my personal life and professionally... I am convinced about one thing. Everyone's first time was different.
As a society, we've built up having sex for the first time as something so big, so wonderful, so life-changing and so... painful. I know that the first time has been ingrained into all our minds — we expected it to be so monumental, but in reality, it was a bit weird and slightly awkward.
Here are the stories of 17 women on the first time they had sex.
Jess was 21-years-old.
"It was a one-night stand with a friend of my brother’s. We were both very intoxicated. It wasn’t memorable at all, but I don’t regret it."
Carly was 14-years-old.
"It was with my friend's boyfriend... We had been sneaking around behind her back and he had come to my parents' house unexpectedly in the middle of the day when I was on school holidays.
"We hadn't done more than some touching and kissing up to that point, but I was keen to go further. We were on the floor in the upstairs lounge room and unlike stacks of my mate's experiences, I was on top when I was penetrated for the very first time. It was unprotected and I bled everywhere, I had to scrub the carpet for ages to get rid of the evidence.
"He gave me herpes that day; what a first-time experience."
Tiffany was 17-years-old.
"It was with my first boyfriend and it was probably earlier than I would’ve liked, but it was his 18th birthday and he said it would be the perfect gift for him (barf).
"We did it three or so more times and it really hurt every time. He then broke up with me."
Carla was 32-years-old.
"I've been single my whole life and had always put pressure on 'my first time'. After hearing my friends talking about their sex lives, I realised I was being ridiculous and just wanted to get it over and done with. I matched with a guy on a dating app and told him my whole spiel and he agreed to have casual sex with me.
"It was so good. He was so gentle and caring and I can't believe I waited so long. We dated for a few months and now I'm back to having great casual sex."
Watch: Horoscopes in the bedroom. Post continues below.
Sabrina was 16-years-old.
"I was drunk on a beach with a boy who ended up becoming my boyfriend. I am happy with how it happened, I think the alcohol made me less nervous (and made everything looser — I was scared of bleeding!).
"I wanted to just get the first time out of the way so I could begin enjoying it, so I am happy with how it happened — nothing special or amazing about it. It was my entry into beginning to have sex without the stress of a 'perfect first time.'"
Olivia was 18-years-old and 20-years-old.
"I had a 17-year-old boyfriend and we tried in the back of his car. It was unsuccessful and painful because of my undiagnosed vaginismus. Once I got a diagnosis, I gave him the flick as he wasn't going to be supportive to help me through it.
"I waited a few years and then successfully had sex with someone when I was 20, marrying him a few years later. I'm not really sure what counts as my first time. Was it then, even if it didn't happen? I don't have strong feelings about it, it's just my story that I never speak of."
Bianca was 14-years-old.
"I lost my virginity to my high school boyfriend. We were together from the time I was 13 to the time I was 18 and he was always very respectful. It was at his house and whilst I felt very nervous, looking back on it now in my 30s, I think it was probably the best first-time situation besides it being a little bit rushed."
Ellie was 26-years-old.
"I never really liked the idea of sex; I think I'm a bit asexual in that sense. I masturbate a few times a week but the thought of having sex with another person just never appealed to me.
"I decided to get it over and done with a few years ago when I was 26 and it was surprisingly better than what I expected. I'm still not totally sold on needing to have sex all the time, but I do have casual hookups every now and then."
Sandy was 17-years-old.
"I lost my virginity on Schoolies. My best friend at the time and I wanted to remove any sentimentality from our first time by having one-night stands on the Gold Coast. It went down with some dude I met at the beach and we went back to his cabin. Yes, I lost my virginity in a caravan park.
"The sex itself was as bad as sex could be — zero foreplay and it basically felt like inserting a tampon when you aren't on your period. I knew at the time that this was not an ideal way for me to lose my virginity, but I also didn't bestow that much importance on it. I'm fine about it now — it was pretty funny and low-key iconic."
Gemma was 21-years-old.
"It was with my first proper boyfriend in my bedroom. I wasn’t ready for it and I felt like he pressured me into it. I was grieving the death of a close family member and wasn’t in a great place emotionally, and he took advantage of my inability to vocalise my feelings at the time.
"I regret it a lot as there were other complications. On reflection though, it taught me a good lesson about what I didn’t want in a relationship."
Molly was 19-years-old.
"It was a one-night stand in a caravan in the backyard of a house where there was a house party happening. I was very drunk.
"I don’t remember his name, but I do remember his friends coming into the caravan and watching briefly.
"I think I gave consent, but back then I was a bigger girl and was just happy that a guy was paying attention to me. Never saw him again. In hindsight, and with 30 years of experience, I wish I had not gone through with it, but also what’s done is done."
Rose was 13-years-old.
"I left school for the day to go have sex with a 17 year old boy (almost a man) who was in my sister's year who I had been talking to on MSN. He definitely talked me into it but I really wanted to do it. I went to his parent's house, we did it in a bed, and it was painful.
"Afterwards, I went back to school confused about why I was bleeding, but I was happy I did it. Now I am mortified thinking about having sex as a child, particularly with someone older."
Lisa was 16-years-old.
"It was with my long-term boyfriend who was also 16 years old. I had talked to my parents about going on the pill and my mum took me to the doctor to get it. I was staying at a uni college as my parents were away, so I had my own room.
"It was painful the first time he went inside me, so we stopped, but after a little while we resumed. Looking back — I am now 60 — I am pleased I did it with him. In hindsight there was probably pressure [from him], but I don’t regret it."
Demi was 17-years-old.
"It was with my boyfriend at the time, in a motel in regional NSW where we were attending his sister's wedding. It was actually quite nice. I loved him at the time and it was a culmination of many months of dating. He was really mindful of my comfort and pleasure and it was ultimately a really good experience."
Penny was 21-years-old.
"It was with my best friend at uni. At the time it felt like a revelation and a relief. I knew I was late to the party. I actually thought I might have been missing a bit of crucial biology due to my prior disinterest in sex. Turns out I’m just gay and was raised Catholic.
"I’m ordinarily a neurotic people-pleaser and had worried as a teenager (probably due to the dominant heteronormativity of my surroundings/available references) that I’d inevitably fail at/not enjoy sex and be a spinster for life.
"Despite having absolutely no idea what I was doing, I don’t have any memory of feeling awkward, anxious, nervous and/or inadequate, like I’d expected.
"Looking back, I’m mostly wistful and a bit sad because we didn’t stay together and blew up the friendship in the process. I feel very grateful really, because it was such a respectful, generous, enthusiastic, considerate, loving experience."
Taylor was 19-years-old.
"It was with my current partner many years ago and we were both equally nervous and inexperienced lol. It wasn't some magical crazy revelation that you see in movies, but it was special because we were experiencing it together."
Abby was 17-years-old.
"It was with my long-term high school boyfriend, after school at his place while his family were away. We had been together for over a year (and had been friends for three years prior to that) and had already done everything else under the sun. We had kind of talked about it the week prior and we were both on the same page, but it ended up being quite spontaneous on the actual day. In my head, I had just decided that 'Today is the day.'
"It was a very positive experience with a partner I was so comfortable with and knew me and my body so well and vice versa. It was the first time for both of us and surprisingly really good. He was nervous and I remember being impressed with how good he was.
"It was nothing wild; the foreplay was nothing new, we both went down on each other and the sex itself was just classic missionary. I remember feeling very overwhelmed and emotional afterwards but not in a negative way. I had been worried about how I would feel as I had been raised in a very strict Christian household and had preempted the religious guilt!
"It was the beginning of an extremely wonderful and empowering relationship with sex. We dated for another four years and had an amazing sex life literally up until the exact day we broke up."
Do you have a first-time story? Tell us in the comments.
If you want more culture opinions by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.
The women in this article are known to Mamamia but have been kept anonymous for safety purposes. These responses have been edited for length and clarity.
Feature image: Canva.