We asked women in long-term relationships how much sex they're having. The answers were not what we expected.

How often are you having sex with your partner? 

Follow up question...

How do you feel about that? 

As a writer, I have told myself that I have the privilege of asking the questions you shouldn't be asking. And after building a career on telling women's stories, one of the topics that constantly gets brought up is sex. 

I believe that women are talking more candidly about sex as we become more comfortable and confident with our sexualities. However, I've noticed that we're still hesitant to talk about how we actually feel about our relationship with sex. 

Recently, I spoke to eight women about how often they have sex with their partners and how it makes them feel. What it showed me was that we're all on our own journey — no two answers were the same. Some women have sex regularly and enjoy it. Some women have sex sporadically, but know that their partner wishes it was more often. Some women said that their sex drive has changed because of their hormones.

All of these women were extremely honest. Here's what they said...

Watch: Horoscopes in the bedroom. Post continues below.

Sarah (49) and her partner (51) have sex a few times a week.

"We usually have sex on Saturday and Sunday mornings, and sometimes in the morning if time permits during the week. If there is time and I get to orgasm then it's great. If not, then it's just something to be done."

Elise (31) and her partner (32) have sex every other month.

"We've been together for 13 years and our natural state of being is honestly to have sex once every two months, usually instigated by me who has the higher sex drive. He's a shift worker so in this phase of life, he's extremely tired all the time... I use my vibrator a lot. 

"I'm super content with this as I'm very happy to get myself off when I feel like it to tide me over!"

Diane (45) and her partner (42) have sex two-to-four times a week.

"We don't schedule sex, it's always spontaneous. It used to be more frequent, but my husband has been on medication for the last few years which has reduced his libido a bit. We have been together for over 20 years so we have gone from more than once a day to what we are now, with occasional periods of less frequency due to pregnancy etc. 

"I am fine with the frequency we are at now. There have been times in our relationship where our libidos have been mismatched, but at this time in our life I think we are both satisfied. We run our own business, have two kids in high school and we’re just a bit tired, but we both understand the importance in maintaining that intimacy and we both still fancy each other. I'm in my 40s so I also feel a confidence to put my own needs first that I didn’t have when I was younger."

Jess (35) and her partner (41) have sex once a week.

"We have a good pattern of having sex one-to-two times per week (more often once). It is mostly spontaneous but might be suggested earlier in the day. We have very limited windows, so we tend to do it straight after the kids go to bed and before we have dinner. 

"We had fertility issues and I’ve always had a slightly higher sex drive than my husband, so our sex life became a bit of a chore for several years. It's left me feeling like he didn’t desire me a lot of the time (although the quality of our sex has always been great). 

"Now that there’s no pressure to conceive and I have accepted that having sex once a week doesn’t mean my husband loves me or desires me less than a husband who wants to have sex every day (which is a lot of my friends), our sex life is so much more relaxed and I feel completely content with it. 

"Quality over quantity — although I rarely like to go longer than a week without it, as it helps us to connect."

Lisa (43) and her partner (47) have sex five times a week.

"We usually have sex five times a week if we are both healthy (recently I was sick so we didn’t for a couple of weeks). It makes me feel happy, energised and sexy." 

Clara (33) and her partner's (42) frequency is spontaneous.

"Sometimes it's once a week and sometimes it's four times a week. I can only speak for myself but when there is a large gap between us having sex, I do feel as though it places distance between us, and I personally feel less connected to my partner."

Jemima and her partner (both 30) have sex three times a month.

"It's spontaneous but sometimes scheduled as we have a toddler. I feel good about our frequency. I think my husband would like more, but I’m happy as it is." 

Tara (46) and her partner (42) have sex once a month.

"Perimenopause has left me with zero interest and I'm completely unbothered. I would happily go months without it."

The women in this article are known to Mamamia but have been kept anonymous for safety purposes. These responses have been edited for length and clarity.

If you want more culture opinions by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Canva.