Ever wondered what masseurs are thinking as they’re kneading your body? Well they’ve come forward and revealed all in a recent Reddit thread, and it’s left us questioning our actions (and bodily functions).
1. Let it go.
Have you ever been laying on the massage table and thought. Oh shit, I need to fart? Well you’re not alone.
“If you have to fart, just fart. Holding it in will make you tense up and I’ll have a harder time getting through your problem areas,” says Reddit user the_xxvii.
“Yeah, it’ll stink for a minute, whatever, who cares? I’m a guy, I fart all the time, I know it’s natural. Also, I’m a goddamn professional so I’m not going to gag or laugh or leave the room if you happen to beef while you’re on my table. Just let it goooooooo. “
Watch: The Mamamia team share stories of when their bodily functions go the best of them.
2. If you don’t like it, say so.
Don’t sit in silence. If you aren’t enjoying your massage speak up, your masseur doesn’t really want to spend an hour kneading into you if you aren’t enjoying it. When they ask if the pressure is okay, be honest.
“All massage therapists give a different massage. Just because you didn’t like it, doesn’t mean it was bad. They are like flavours of ice cream. I could give you the best mint chocolate chip ice cream in the world, but if you don’t like mint, you won’t enjoy it. So try different massages if you are new to it.” wrote user Tytillean.
“Just say something like, ‘Could you please be a bit more gentle/please use more force’. That’s all there is to it. They’ll understand.” (Post continues after gallery)
Your body during a massage
3. Wipe your bum and wipe it well.
We weren’t aware this is something adults were still required to know…
“Wipe your bum and wipe it well. The poop gets in the small of your back right above the crack and its smelly,” shared one Redditor.
4. Happy ending jokes? Don’t.
This one is easy. Don’t do it. Don’t ask your massage therapist for sexual favours, even if you’re joking.
“Happy ending jokes aren’t unique or funny,” wrote a Reddit user.
Image: iStock
6. Don't be late.
Be punctual. After all, you're the one that'll lose precious massage time. Sometimes masseurs are booked back to back and if you're late, they can't extend your massage.
"Show up on time for your appointment, it's not my fault if we can't do the full hour session when you're nearly 20 minutes late and I'm booked right after you," said Reddit user eleshnorn1.
Image: HBO, "Friends"
7. Masseurs are not doctors.
Massage therapists are not qualified to give medical advice, nor can they recommend or subscribe stretches. Please do not ask.
"If you have consistent problematic areas that cause you pain, you may want to ask your doctor or see a physical therapist/occupational therapist or doctor," recommends 100Teaspoons.
8. It's okay if you get emotional.
It's actually really normal.
Massaging certain pressure points on your body can trigger emotional responses. Masseurs want you to know, it's normal to cry.
"I think touch is very powerful. When someone has been abused or is simply holding everything 'in' touch can be very relaxing which in turn could allow people to release their emotions. I don't know if I would say emotional trauma is stored in muscles but think about how people carry themselves," shared a Reddit user.
Image: FOX, "The Devil Wears Prada"
"Tell me if you need a moment alone if you do," says Reddit user adrianachiara.
9. Quiten down the groaning.
If you slip out a groan or two, that's okay. But please, do it quietly.
"Your therapist could get in serious legal trouble if it sounds like they are giving sexual favours," says Reddit user Tytillean.
Noted.
What is the most awkward massage you've encountered?
Image: iStock
Top Comments
Oh so many things to add to this list. If a therapists lifts up an arm to massage it, don't "help" just let it go. Turn off your phone, drink some water before hand but not too much so you have to pee all the time. If you want some hints on what to do before your massage to make sure you have a good experience there is a list here https://www.ripplemassage.com.au/massage-preparation/
I once got some discount vouchers for Thai massages. When I first used it I nearly got the shock of my life when the lady started climbing up on to my back.