SEALED SECTION: He wants to do WHAT?

The Mamamia Sealed Section launched last week and it’s still buzzing. Quite literally. You can check out our first post here

It’s clear that the sex chat is something that women like to do (and like to have at their disposal). And what better forum than on the internet with a trusted expert – enter Tracey Cox. Tracey  is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter and author and she’s answering the questions that we can’t really ask anywhere else.

Today’s Question:

“I have been seeing a bloke for a couple of months now and from the second date he has been quite pushy for sex. I slept with him on date four, as it felt right to. He was very good at oral sex and said he was enjoying it, we tried quite a few positions and both had a good time (even though I didn’t orgasm!).

As he was about to come, he withdrew and asked if he could ejaculate on my face. I said yes and he jumped up on the bed, took the condom off, stood over me and did it. His manner slightly surprised me, no one has ever done that to me before. He said he found it fun! I have had mixed response from friends, some say its degrading, others think it’s fine.

I am not too bothered, just didn’t see it coming! I wonder why he didn’t want to come inside me and whether he just views me as a sex object. (I was wearing a corset and stockings etc). What is your perspective on this?”

Tracey Cox says

“Wow! There are a lot of mixed signals in there so my response is layered also. You’re obviously quite adventurous sexually to have pulled on stockings and a corset for the first sex session with your new man. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just interesting that you went for that look for the very first time you did it. Most of us pull on sexy underwear but a corset, stockings (and I’m guessing suspenders) first time around, sends a very clear message that you’re up for sex that pushes the boundaries. This is perhaps why he felt safe enough to suggest ejaculating on your face. This is NOT to say that you’ve done anything wrong or behaved in a ‘slutty’ fashion (I don’t even believe in the word). I actually applaud your gutsiness and embracing of the whole thing. I’m just trying to make sense of why he’d suggest doing that the very first time you have sex.

‘Pearl necklaces’ – ejaculating so his semen forms a ‘necklace’ around your neck – or ejaculating elsewhere on the body or face is something lots of couples try. It’s a bit naughty because it is degrading and that’s all part of the turn on. I don’t see anything wrong with doing it now and then at all. What I do find interesting – at the risk of repeating a point – is that he choose to do it the first time you had sex and you let him. By doing this, you set a precedent: sex between the two of you is going to be ‘naughty’. Again, nothing wrong with it, except perhaps that it’s lacking any type of tenderness.

The first time between people who care about each other is about intimacy and connection and trust and – dare I say –fanning the flames of the first flickers of love. It’s a special moment. There seems to have been lots of lust but little of the love part in this encounter. I don’t know if that bothers you or not. I guess it depends on what you want long term.”

Tracey Cox is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. She’s  appeared on Oprah, CNN and The Today Show in the US, as well as numerous prime-time chat shows in the UK and world-wide. Her first book, Hot Sex: How to Do It, was an instant worldwide success and is now available in 140 countries. Her other book titles include Hot Sex, supersex, superflirt, Hot Relationships and superhotsex. She also has her own range of Tracey Cox Supersex Toys and Lubricants.

Follow Tracey on Twitter @TraceyCox or on Facebook here.   Her website is at  www.traceycox.com and you can buy her books here.  Tracey also blogs weekly here