Frustrated in bed? And I don’t mean when you are lying there trying to fall asleep? Mamamia sexpert Tracey Cox may have some advice that you could help you…
Today’s Question:
I love the man I’ve been seeing for past eight months but he’s absolutely hopeless in bed. I love sex and it’s really important to me that it’s satisfying and rewarding.
How can you tell if the sex is going to get better or if it’s a lost cause and I need to move on.
Tracey says:
Some scenarios are fixable. Technique can be taught if you’re willing to school him in what you like, where and when. Ignorance about sex in general and a lack of understanding of how your sexual systems work is solved by buying him some good sex books as a present.
Harder but also possible to change are things like reshaping someone’s attitude to sex. If he’s been brought up to believe sex is ‘bad’ or ‘dirty’ – and it happens to men as well as women – he may need counselling to reshape deeply ingrained beliefs – but it can still be done.
Even dramatically different sex drives can be balanced if you’re willing to compromise. It’s not such good news if you don’t think he’s a good lover because there’s no spark or fireworks (if it’s not there in the beginning, it’s unusual for chemistry to kick in later on).
But the only thing which is truly impossible is transforming a selfish, brutish lover into a good or even acceptable one. These people will fight you, kicking and screaming every step of the way. So if you (poor you!) have ended up with someone like this, I strongly suggest you extradite yourself from the situation ASAP.
Tracey Cox is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. She’s appeared on Oprah, CNN and The Today Show in the US, as well as numerous prime-time chat shows in the UK and world-wide. Her first book, Hot Sex: How to Do It, was an instant worldwide success and is now available in 140 countries. Her other book titles include Hot Sex, supersex, superflirt, Hot Relationships andsuperhotsex. She also has her own range of Tracey Cox Supersex Toys and Lubricants.Follow Tracey on Twitter @TraceyCox or on Facebook here. Her website is at www.traceycox.com and you can buy her books here. Tracey also blogs weekly here.
Ever found yourself in a similar situation?Any advice?
Top Comments
seems wierd that i am reading a post from May but I will comment anyway even tho it feels like I am at a party and everyone has already left. My sex life SUX. It is so comforting to read that I am not alone. I know there are many women who's sex lives don't suck but I also think many people would assume mine doesn't suck. Well it does. Goodnight : )
I think Tracey's sort of missed the point on this one. What's needed is communication. To me, "hopeless in bed" just sounds like he doesn't know what he's doing, not that he is selfish or has a low libido. The sex will not get better by itself. Tell him what you want and ask him what turns him on. Sex should be fun