'I dropped out of school at 16. This is what I want all parents to know.'

This article was published in October 2022.

My name is Zoe, I'm 16 years old and I've just dropped out of school. 

Now I know what you might be thinking — hell, if you asked me a year ago I would have thought the same. 

Dropouts are often seen to be lazy, troubled, up-to-no-good kids whose future seems to stare right down a job at Macca's at best.

But I am not one of those kids. In fact, throughout my whole schooling journey, I have been a dedicated, hardworking and all in all ‘good’ kid. Schoolwork was actually something that came easily to me. I got along well with my teachers. I had great friends. And my grades were always very high.

However, I sit here writing this article as a student who has officially dropped out of school… but why?

Let me introduce to you the term ‘school refusal’. School refusal is when children get extremely upset at the idea of going to school, and often miss some or all of the school day.

Listen to Mamamia's podcast Help! I Have A Teenager, where in this episode, we discuss school refusal. Post continues after audio.

My refusal began at the young age of five when I had separation anxiety from my mum and was pulled off her each day by my distressed teachers. 

As I got older, it was a little more challenging to wean me off of her. Every day was a struggle — but like many parents, mine were persistent about getting me into the classroom, thinking it was the best decision for me.

It was not until the age of 10 that I was diagnosed with severe anxiety, the first piece of the puzzle that allowed us to understand what was happening.

The separation anxiety between my parents continued until I reached high school — a turning point, I suppose you could say. You see, missing a couple of days or even weeks in primary school isn’t really a biggie, but it was constantly reinforced that missing just one day of high school was not ok.

After a few years of high school, my anxiety had started to control me, and attending mainstream school no longer felt like an option. 

I had refused school on countless occasions and there was nothing my parents could do about it. Many mornings involved stomach aches, vomiting, shutting down, lashing out, tears and sometimes locking myself in the car so I would not be able to go. It was very traumatic for the entire family.

What I wish people could understand is that I wasn’t avoiding school because I was afraid of failing a maths test or didn’t want to see a scary teacher. It was the fact that my mental illness had convinced me it was a place of danger. I had been further diagnosed with depression, and it was more important to focus on my wellbeing than my grades (which I was frightened into believing would impact my future).

On reflection, I can remember many concerned parents who thought of me as ‘naughty’ or ‘immature’, but I often knew more about what my mental health required than them. 

One school counsellor suggested Mum stay with me at school until I felt safe for her to leave. Well, let’s just say that the 3pm bell rang and Mum was still there.

"Whilst there were struggles, my current relationship with my family is strong," Zoe says. Image: Supplied.

With a brief test during COVID, I had discovered the platform of online learning. Like I said, I loved learning and so at this point I decided to join a school for distance education. 

Being able to learn in a flexible way in my place of comfort seemed like a dream come true. I learnt alongside people from all over the world with many different backgrounds and stories, and many similar to my own. We were also encouraged to explore different pathways if school was not our thing. 

What I had to get my head around, is that school is something that is institutionalised — and graduating grade 12 is a path encouraged by many schools, my previous private school included. To be told that it was not my only option made me feel free. 

But while this school was everything I wanted, I was still incredibly ill with my mental health, and school once again become a victim of these circumstances. Slowly, online lessons were missed, and days turned into weeks. I was a year 11 student about to start grade 12, so refusing school was not ideal.

After months of school refusal, it was inevitable that I needed to drop out. My parents and I were still so conditioned to believe graduating high school was the only pathway to success, and we felt quite isolated. The school system did not accommodate school refusal or children suffering from mental illnesses like myself, and very few places gave us other options.

Zoe, pictured here with her mum, says she and her parents felt isolated when Zoe made the decision to leave school. Image: Supplied.

I still feel ashamed at times when I see my friends have begun grade 12, and I am still so uncertain about my life, but I suppose at times we all are.

TAFE, Open University, diplomas, trade courses, apprenticeships, work experience and entrepreneurship are just some of the many different pathways that can lead into successful futures.

Parents, please understand that if your child is going through something similar and there seem to be no other options, it is not weak to pull them out.

Constantly pushing them into a place that feels unsafe is even more detrimental to their mental health and can lead to years of trauma. 

School refusal is real, and believe me — dropping out does not have to negatively shape their future.

Feature image: Supplied/Zoe Watson.

Love watching TV and movies? Take our survey now to go in the running to win a $100 gift voucher.