Joel Moran always hoped that one day he would become a father. As a gay man, he also knew there would be a number of logistical roadblocks in his way.
When he met the love of his life, Dan Di Santo at a nightclub in 2012, a key part of their mutual attraction was shared values and the wish to start a family.
“We were so in-sync,” Joel says of his now-husband Dan.
“In our early years together, we travelled the world, had fun and became doggie parents to Chelsea. We got engaged in December 2017 and married in New York in August 2018.
“Just after we got engaged, we began to chat more seriously about starting a family and how we would go about it.”
Joel’s best friend from high school, Luna, always joked that she would have Joel’s baby one day.
“Luna was like family to us both; she didn’t want children herself, but always said she was happy to help us achieve our dreams of having a family. In 2017, we started having more serious conversations about how this actually might work.”
“We were put in touch with local fertility clinics that had experience working with same-sex couples. We chose where we wanted to start our IVF and there was so much to learn!”
The couple wanted their baby to be genetically related to them both, so they used Joel’s sperm, and Dan’s sister Erin volunteered to be the egg donor.
“It required us to jump through a lot of hurdles before being approved by the ethics committee to start fertility treatment. This included counselling, medical screenings and legal agreements.”
Something else that needed careful consideration was Luna’s type 1 diabetes. She also required two further surgeries relating to her reproductive system before her body was ready for pregnancy.
Once Luna was physically well, the 2019 bushfires hit her hometown on the south coast of NSW. Then came the global pandemic and lockdowns.
“There were so many roadblocks that we hadn’t even considered! But we did what we had to do. I think many people would have given up! Luckily Dan and I are both highly organised and good at what we do professionally. We decided to look at IVF as if it was a project to manage, and we just approached it step by step.”
Dan took on the role of "master project manager" and organised everyone’s appointments, the budget and the schedule.
One of the first major steps to creating their baby Archie happened in March 2019. Dan’s sister Erin travelled down to Sydney from the Gold Coast to have her eggs extracted.
“Erin had found the hormone injections a bit of a challenge and so we were in regular contact with her and the IVF clinic in Brisbane.
“She actually found the egg extraction process in Sydney a lot less unpleasant than she had imagined, and was back home the following day. We managed to create two embryos using Erin’s eggs and my sperm, but then we had a much longer than imagined wait to get to the next stage!”
Once Luna was ready and elective surgeries recommenced after state lockdowns in early 2020, the couple’s journey to parenthood began again. And this time, everything moved much more quickly.
Their IVF specialist transferred the embryo as soon as Luna’s uterus lining was thick enough.
After three years of setbacks and emotional heartache, Dan and Joel received the phone call they had been waiting for.
“We were beyond excited to find out if the transfer had worked. When the nurse called to let us know that Luna was pregnant, we were cautiously ecstatic! Finally, in August 2020, we accompanied Luna for her first scan and saw that little heartbeat.”
As Luna’s pregnancy was considered highly complex due to her diabetes, the trio decided to go through the NSW public health system in Sydney.
“Initially we were worried about how we would be treated as a same-sex couple and surrogate, but from the very beginning, everyone knew and respected our story. It was very refreshing.
“We were matched with a high-risk midwife and social worker. We also had to have lawyers involved to ensure that when Archie was born, our legal roles were all clear.”
Before the big day approached in March 2021, Luna spent the later part of her pregnancy living with the couple so they could be around to help and experience everything together.
Due to her recent surgeries, Luna was required to have a planned caesarean. Thankfully as COVID restrictions had been eased, both Dan and Joel could be in the theatre with her to brush her hair and hold her hand when it was time.
“We had chosen some music to play and honestly, looking back now it is hard to articulate how we felt. We were all crying of course and were filled with so much emotion and gratitude for Luna, and for everyone who helped to bring our baby to us.
“The theatre was buzzing with excitement and it was a surreal and magical moment when I saw this tiny human coming out of someone I have loved forever.”
Luna recovered in hospital for a few days, while baby Archie spent five days in the nursery due to his low blood sugar levels. Luna’s mum came to stay and support her, so that Joel and Dan could focus on their role as new dads.
“We had agreed to no breastfeeding so that we could exclusively feed and care for baby Archie. It was initially hard for Luna, and none of us knew what to expect with how she would feel post-delivery. We were under-prepared for all the crying!
“There was a necessary time of transition to help her through the massive change she'd just experienced. There was sadness for her; after working on the 'project' together for so long, it was suddenly all over. Archie was born and her role was complete. It was a very surreal time for us all."
Joel and Dan helped Luna through the transition by letting her know just how grateful they were for making their dreams come true.
“We treated Archie like he was the most magical gift. We gave her time to meet Archie properly and encouraged her to give him all the kisses and cuddles she needed. When we weren't together, we sent lots of videos and messages to keep Luna up to date with how he was going.”
Dan’s sister Erin flew to Sydney to meet Archie on the day he was born.
“Family is so important to us, and this is what Luna and Erin will always be to Archie. Officially we refer to them both as his ‘special aunties’. We want to be as transparent as possible, so he can understand our story as he grows up.”
Now that Archie is nearly six months old, Dan and Joel have settled into their busy new life as a family of three. Luna has achieved a dream to write a book about self-love and body acceptance.
“Luna's body has taken a little while to heal, but emotionally, she has bounced back completely from the rollercoaster postpartum.
“For us, having a baby at home has changed everything! Dan has taken 12 months off work to be a stay-at-home dad while I continue to work from home full-time.
“It has been hard for us without family able to help during lockdown and nothing much open at the moment, but actually I don't feel like I am missing out: there is nothing more important than seeing our baby grow up.”
Feature Image: Supplied.
Top Comments