Dear visitor,
Oh hey, my name’s Ted and for the last few days, I’ve been in a maternity ward with my parents, surrounded by clued-up midwives who attended to our every need. Clean sheets, warm showers and a little red button to push if something went wrong – it’s been awesome.
Now I’m home and they’re freaked out, bone-tired (because I like to party between 1am and 5am) and worried they might accidentally kill me.
Mum is also unaware of the large streak of poo across her face (mine, sorry) and the house looks like a dump – but everyone wants to come over for a visit. Everyone.
Here are a few things I want you to know before showing up and scaring them even more:
Ask first.
I know you want to meet me (who wouldn’t), but mum hasn’t slept more than three consecutive hours in seven days. Her brain is like cold mashed potato, she’s slumped on the sofa in a milk-stained t-shirt and I’ve vomited on her three times (again, sorry mum). Please check if there’s a good time to visit, and don’t be late. Her brain can’t cope with any more unexpected surprises.
Top Comments
this is a discussion about new mums, jane, not about other illness. It is about them and no one else. I am sick of the poor me friends. This is the way we used to do it, 30 years ago, would not dream of turning up with out cake, biscuits and casserole. This generation of mums are a bit different I have found.
Oh my god I am SO sick of these Mother complaining/demanding articles. YOU'RE LUCKY. There are lots of people that cannot have children and long for all of the above. There are also lots of people suffering from crippling mental health problems which means they haven't slept in YEARS, can't get dressed or look nice because they have no self esteem, or even a home. Just get over it. You have a baby, that is amazing, enjoy it. You are not dying.