Why are we so irked about fitness-fanatic mums-to-be?

Being pregnant is like being in the middle of a people’s forum you didn’t know had convened.

It is a universally acknowledged truth. Upon becoming pregnant, a woman unwittingly becomes a conduit for unsolicited advice.

A woman in possession of a bump will quickly find herself in possession of more pregnancy-related intelligence than she could possibly action. As the due date approaches the intel will extend to childbirth and child-rearing. Almost everyone has a view on pregnancy and very few are afraid to share it.

It will be offered by friends, family members, strangers in the Woollies line, taxi drivers, friends of your co-workers, authors you’d never heard of, your boss.

Notwithstanding their relationship with you, these well-meaning folks will weigh in on every aspect of your pregnancy. On why you should absolutely find out whether you’re having a boy or a girl. On why you should absolutely never find out.  On why you’re definitely having a boy or a girl. On why you need to eat for two. On why you need to watch every gram of food you consume.

On why you should exercise regularly. On why you should strictly avoid anything that raises your heartrate. On why you should never drink caffeine/get an epidural/let yourself go/be concerned with your shape/ have a glass of wine. On why you should drink caffeine/ get an epidural/let yourself go/be concerned with your shape/ have a glass of wine. On which pram/car-seat/highchair/cot/change table you must absolutely BUY.  On which pram/car-seat/highchair/cot/change table you must absolutely AVOID.

Occasionally, this wisdom is helpful but often it’s conflicting. It’s almost invariably offered in good faith and it’s almost always unwelcome. But it is a fate few avoid and it has some utility. (It is valuable preparation for the arrival of your baby, at which point life without the wisdom of others will cease to exist.)

This is the backdrop to the outrage sparked by Sophie Guidolin and Michelle Bridges for maintaining a version of their pre-pregnancy exercise regimes. These are ultra fit athletic women, for whom not doing weights or working out daily is anathema. To say their exercise habits attracted some attention is an understatement. They have been torn to shreds.

A lot of the feedback has been framed under the guise of concern for the health of the babies and in some cases, I am sure that’s the genuine motivation. But I have an alternative theory. I think what grates on many mums is that it presents another totally unattainable bar to fall short of. Another realm in which we might not succeed.

In an ideal world that shouldn’t matter, we’d be so evolved and secure about our parenting and our bodies that we wouldn’t care.

But in the real world? Images of a heavily pregnant woman looking fitter than most of us have been a decade before we even had kids, can get a mother down.

Show me a mum who hasn’t fantasised, at least on occasion, about embracing a proper fitness regime, cutting out processed food, keeping a gratitude diary, making all meals from scratch, being a patient and mindful parent at all times…all those things we know would probably be very good for us but remain elusive.

I think about those things sometimes. Usually for about three seconds before I close my eyes and fall asleep, and I’m yet to wake up the next day and follow through. Like a lot of other parents I get up and I do my best. I exercise when I can, I parent as best I can, I work as hard as I can and I eat as well as I can. Needless to say my exercise routine bears zero resemblance to a professional personal trainer’s.

Women like Michelle and Sophie pack more fitness into a week, that some of us do in, err, a month. Or even a year. But that is their job. That is their life, their passion, their calling. And I think we should be more willing to recognise that for what it is, rather than detract from it. For their sake, as much as our own.

It is healthy and even desireable to exercise while pregnant. Subject to medical advice, a useful gauge for what works best is usually the activity you undertook pre-pregnancy. For a professional weight-lifter like Sophie, or a personal trainer like Michelle Bridges, the bar for what is going to work is a whole lot higher than it will be for us non-athletes.

That is not the bar we need to set for ourselves.

So let’s not castigate these women for being committed to their physical well being, and let’s not pretend to be concerned for their babies. As both of them and many other mums have pointed out, they are following medical advice.

Let’s just accept that there are as many different ways to tackle pregnancy as there are ways to tackle life. And let’s face it, there probably isn’t a mother-to-be anywhere in the world who is longing for extra unsolicited feedback regarding their pregnancy.

We know they have that in spades.