Caroline was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. She says pole dancing 'saved her'.

"It all started with a fuzzy spot in my left eye," Caroline Cazcapstar told Mamamia. "I thought I was maybe getting a migraine, but I didn’t have a headache so I put it down to being extremely tired."

At the time, Caroline was training for a national pole dancing competition, working full time as a receptionist, teaching pole dancing classes on her days off and running a side hustle.

"To say that I was stressed to the max is an understatement," she said. "In hindsight, I can’t believe I was even able to cope with so many jobs, training and maintaining a relationship with my husband. I was the busiest I had ever been but also the loneliest."

The spot in Caroline's eye got progressively got worse, and within 24 hours, she was almost blind in her left eye. 

"I knew something was seriously wrong," she said.

"I was sent straight from my GP to an eye specialist who did a million tests on my eyes. They said I had something called 'optic neuritis', which is an inflammation of the optic nerve."

"I thought maybe wearing an eye patch over my left eye would give my eye a rest and help the inflammation go down, because I wasn’t given any other information on how to heal from this. (I named myself Pirate Caz after this because I felt like a badass pirate with my eye patch).

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"The specialist then sent me to get an MRI of my brain as soon as possible. I was so scared as I had never had an MRI before."

"After some googling of what 'optic neuritis' was, all signs were pointing towards multiple sclerosis (MS). I still refused to believe that it could happen to me but I knew deep down something was seriously wrong."

Before Caroline had even arrived home from the MRI, she received a call and was told to go straight to the emergency department. 

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"I cried my eyes out," she said. 

"I could not believe this was happening. No one had mentioned anything about a diagnosis until I arrived at emergency and the triage nurse said, “Oh, I see you’re here to be treated for MS?”

"Cue: another emotional breakdown in the emergency department."

What it's like living with MS.

"Living with MS is difficult. As it is an invisible illness, people look at me like there is nothing wrong as I present well most of the time," said Caroline. 

"When I have my disabled sign up in my car, I often get a few weird looks."

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She said what people don’t see or understand is the management of her life behind the scenes. "I sacrifice so much to live well. But even with all of these sacrifices, I still struggle with MS fatigue every day."

"I can sleep for 10 hours and still wake up totally exhausted the next day. If I become too exhausted then my cognitive function declines, my left eye can droop or feel fuzzy, my balance can be off, and I run the risk of getting sick." 

"I am on an immune suppressant drug that is administered by IV in the hospital every six months in the oncology ward. This drug depletes my B cells to zero, which is part of your immune system, so I’m more susceptible to getting sick."

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"And if I get sick, I normally get twice as bad as everyone else and it takes me longer to heal. So I do my best to stay away from sick people, which was especially hard during the pandemic."

"I have to plan for everything to make sure I don’t take on too much. If I’m feeling good and have more energy, I have to take advantage of those days and plan my training around how I feel."

"I am no longer that person that I was before my diagnosis, so comparing myself to my old self is also difficult. I used to say yes to everything but now I really need to think how things will impact my energy levels."

How pole dancing has helped.

Before falling in love with pole dancing, Caroline spent 12 years competing on a national level in Taekwondo, winning a bronze medal for Australia in the 2006 Commonwealth Games.

"It was really hard on the body. I was training five days a week – two of those days were morning and night. I was also working full time and had to pay my way for everything, so it really wasn't paying the bills."

After deciding to hang up her black belt and leave the sport, Caroline told Mamamia she eventually started to miss the competitive aspect of sport.

Then, she discovered pole dancing. 

After booking a class for her best friend's hen's party, she said she was instantly hooked.

"It was just so amazing. I really felt like learning all of the tricks and combinations, because it was a different type of strength and flexibility to acrobatics and Taekwondo. But you're also getting to do that in an atmosphere of feminine power."

"I thought, well, this is my sport. And so the love affair with pole dancing started."

Caroline went on to perform professionally for audiences around Australia, as well as teaching and running workshops interstate and overseas.

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After her MS diagnosis, Caroline said she was more determined and motivated about health and fitness than ever. 

"I'm a kind of all-or-nothing person. And when I find something that I love, I  per cent commit to it."

"Being diagnosed with MS, you're not really sure about what your future is going to be like, because it doesn't really give you any warnings."

"I've got the relapsing-remitting MS type (RRMS), which means that you'll have an episode and then you'll go into remission, and then you'll have another episode and you'll go into remission. The distance and time between having an episode is really unknown."

Caroline said the pole dancing community has played a pivotal part in helping her cope with chronic illness – not only acting as a backbone of support but also igniting a new drive and motivation.

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"The pole community was already amazing, but I realised just how strong it was when I was diagnosed. The pole community was a huge reason behind how I was able to cope through this period. But it also gave me something to strive for."

"Pole dancing just gives me something to look forward to, and I did everything in my power to help myself get back to a professional level. Now, I feel like I'm in a better and healthier position. I've learned when I need rest, I've learned the quality of nutrition and how important that is."

"Knowing that I've got a really supportive community behind me and I love them dearly and that's what helps me get through it."

Caroline continues to compete in competitions around Australia, such as Pole Icon (you can check out the upcoming show here), which she said gives her motivation to keep working, keep strong and do what she loves. 

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"Being diagnosed was the worst thing that could have happened to me, but also the best thing. It was a huge awakening for many different aspects of my life."

"It really helped me filter what was important, what wasn't important, and getting rid of any toxic relationships or friendships in my life at the time. It just made everything really clear and put everything in perspective."

"In terms of personal growth, I feel that emotionally-wise, and happiness-wise, I've come so far. I'm being really comfortable with myself and I think that also has come through with my most pole dancing performances."

"And that's something that makes me happy. I really feel like once you find something that makes you happy and you enjoy it, do it like there's nothing stopping you."

Feature image: Supplied.