In December 2021, I was a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding.
We were like schoolgirls again; giddy with excitement, unable to contain our joy or cool our energy.
The other bridesmaids and I ran around hiding gifts for the bride under beds, drinking juice in champagne flutes and fiddling with our makeup and hair until it looked "just right". We were tiny children barely a decade before and now our girl was tying the knot to her high school sweetheart.
It all sounds like a rom-com because it really was. It was perfect. The day was perfect.
Two years on, another close friend I grew up with called to inform me of the new shiny ring on her hand.
Watch: How to improve your daughter's body image. Post continues after video.
Soon after, she asked (or rather told me, in her standard way of speaking) that I would be a bridesmaid for her wedding. The second time feels like just as much of an honour as the first and it's exciting that I'll get to have all these wedding nerves again.
But just like the first time around, I'm a plus-size bridesmaid which changes things significantly.
And while the brides have known this, that doesn't change the fact I'm a fat person and that there are so many more factors to consider.
So as I go into being a bridesmaid for the second time as a plus-size woman, here are the 10 things I'm doing differently.
1. I'm getting a bridesmaid dress specially made.
Last time around, the bridesmaids ordered beautiful creamy white Shona Joy dresses made from thick silk. Unfortunately, the brand did not have my size.
But my housemate and best friend proved to be a talented seamstress and whipped something up for me using a few metres of Spotlight fabric.
It didn't look too different in person and the bride was happy I'd been able to make it work. And while it was cheaper than going to a professional dressmaking business, I regret putting my housemate through the torture of making my dress.
We dealt with two broken sewing machines, bad scissors, stressful deadlines and a bridesmaid who refused to stand still while he took her measurements. (Me. The bridesmaid is obviously me.)
This time, I'm going straight to the professionals so I can get an exact colour match and a perfect dress out of it.
Quite frankly, that's what I should have done from the beginning.
2. I am not skimping on a single thing.
For the last wedding, I got my makeup done professionally but not my hair (?!?!?!). Bad decisions are bad decisions and I can accept that was a really bad one.
However, I have learned that I will never deviate from paying for something ever again if it will make my life better and easier.
3. I'm making an itinerary and I'm checking it seven times.
Boob tape? Three rolls.
Bobby pins? Two packets.
Bridesmaid dress? Bring something similar just in case you do something catastrophic.
Sneakers? Please don't forget them (and your crocs and slippers too, while you're at it).
Underwear for a two-night stay? Bring 10 pairs all in nude and white.
4. I'll have four simple words to tell myself whenever I feel like self-imploding.
"It's not about you."
It's what my sister told me when I shared with her how much anxiety I had about walking down the aisle for my best friend's wedding.
"The wedding day is not about you at all, actually," she told me frankly as she stared me down through a FaceTime call.
She was brutal and she was right. A wedding really isn't about anyone other than the grooms and the brides. My job — my only job really — is to support them during their big day. To make sure hair doesn't fly into their lip gloss, to keep their champagne glass full, and to bring her sandals when heels start to hurt. My job is to make sure the best day of her life really is that.
I am about as memorable as the bouquet to other people, who are specifically here to celebrate the love of the couple. Which is exactly what I am there to do, too.
5. I'm prepared to spend a fortune.
Weddings are expensive gigs — for everyone, actually. Every bride or person getting married might feel a little guilty when they read this and I don't blame you. Because whether you like it or not, being part of a wedding costs money.
It doesn't matter if the bride has gotten an amazing deal on the makeup artist or if she has a discount for the hotel so the bridesmaids don't have to pitch in as much.
No matter which way you dice it up, WEDDINGS ARE EXPENSIVE.
I have since officially accepted this and am now prepared to spend whatever is needed to make sure the bride doesn't feel any stress or worry.
6. Bent knees not straight!
I remember a fellow bridesmaid telling me to keep my knees slightly bent while standing behind the bride during the vow exchange.
If your legs are locked into a straight position, then after a while, you'll buckle and pass out. I've never forgotten this advice and use it every time I need to now.
7. A run sheet makes all the difference, apparently.
It's good to know who is having their makeup done and when. It's also great to get an idea of which person is doing what, like cleaning the dishes, topping up the drinks, ordering breakfast, etc.
8. Boob tape is not just your best friend, but your only source of comfort in dire times.
Get. The. Best. Of. The. Best.
Don't be like me and buy three rolls of athletic tape that's made to keep fidgety kneecaps in place. Instead, invest in some other types like the boob tape from Skims, or the brand that's sold at Woolies for $14.
Keeps the girls in place and doesn't tear your skin when you want to go to shower and get into bed.
9. Your bride is aware that you're plus-size.
It's a given considering she knew what you looked like from the moment she met you.
Alas, it seems like people need a reminder — including myself.
Life is different when your body does not look or feel like everyone else's. Your bride knows this. They're aware. They love you, not despite whichever way you look, but because they just do.
Any other fear, anxiety or worrying thought can be abated by the reminder that your bride loves you and wants to remember the most important day of her life with you by her side.
10. Give yourself the time.
No one has a timer on you. There's no race you need to be running and no clock that stops ticking if you don't make it somewhere on time.
If anything takes you a little longer to get done — like a walk to a new photo location or a bathroom break to make sure the bits are in order — then so be it.
Give yourself the time, remember that weddings are stressful for everyone involved and that life is absolutely not a race. If you're behind by a few minutes because your size slows you down, then so be it.
Because life is much too short to panic over the moments that you won't remember next week. Do what you need to do to make your life easier and therefore stress-free for the rest of the bridal party.
And remember, you've most certainly got this.
Feature Image: Supplied.
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