by NATASHA LESTER
Every week, when my daughter was four months’ old we would go to Coles and buy ten packets of Stayfree Maternity pads – not for me but for her. She was being treated for hip dysplasia and was in a cast that extended from her chest down to the ends of her toes.
Between her knees was, quite literally, a broom handle strapped to the plaster to keep her legs apart – the distance from one foot to the other was fifty five centimetres, approximately the same as her height.
It would be like someone fixing and strapping my legs 165cm apart – given that I am not all that flexible, I doubt that it could even be down.
So there we were at Coles every week, me and a baby wrapped up like a Christmas gift in a bright red fibreglass cast. Because of the cast, she couldn’t fit in a trolley seat so she was perched and strapped right to the very edge of the pram, propped and supported by a number of old towels.
We would fill the pram with our ten packets of pads and there would be no room left for the groceries. So we would go through the checkout and buy our pads, always being careful to avoid the eyes of the operator who would look at me as if I was about to begin bleeding all over the aisle, and we would unload the pads into the car. Then we would go back and buy our groceries, making sure we chose a different checkout operator for our return visit.
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As my 3mth old beautiful little girl is 3 weeks out from getting the cast put on, I found this article both confronting and extremely helpful at the same time. Already we have been thrown a whole heap of comments like "it will be ok", "it could be worse", "it's only short term" and the best one, "it's worse for the parents than the child." I understand it is what people say when they don't know what to say, but it doesn't help. In what other situation is it ok to say something which trivialises the experience of someone else purely because you couldn't take the time to think of something that demonstrates support. I think what everyone has to remember is no matter what it is, watching your child in pain and discomfort is incredibly difficult for anyone. Yes there are others worse off and yes you have to think positively, but that doesnt mean watching your sweet little girl go through what these kids have to go through is any less of a crappy situation. What I have found most helpful is when my amazing friends have said something like "what can I do to help?", mum would give me hugs, my husband would let me cry on his shoulder or when my bubba was in the brace my girlfriends would hold her while I got to eat my lunch. Those are the moments when you feel loved and supported. Those are the moments when you re-energise and get to remember that being a mum is the most difficult, yet rewarding role you will ever have in your life. I think it is then that the meaningless platitudes offered don't seem so bad.
When people found out that I had cancer they would tell me that I was lucky that I found the lump early.
I have to say, that while I was throwing up my toenails, and feeling like I wanted to die, that I didn't feel particularly lucky at all.
I think people say these silly things because they don't know what to say, I really believe that they have their hearts in the right place.