By ZACH ROSENBERG
Nothing illustrates our insecure feelings about race like a child.
When children learn about diversity, there’s an incredible potential to “get them early” and send them down a pathway that promotes judging people based on the content of their character, not the color of their skin. There are a couple of ways you can achieve this—and ignoring race isn’t one of them.
My family is white. And aside from our son’s African American godfather and a handful of friends of color, my son doesn’t encounter too many people that look different from him.
We don’t want to treat people as if they’re colorless, that method doesn’t celebrate people’s wonderful differences. But we don’t want to lay it on so thick that our son gets the impression that we should point racial differences out all willy-nilly.
Children’s television does a fair job at introducing diversity; with shows like “Dora the Explorer” and “Ni Hao Kai Lan,” kids are introduced to the concept of different languages and skin colors. But then again, television also teaches kids that dogs talk and purple dinosaurs get all huggy when you share.
Nevertheless, shows like “Dora” and “Kai Lan” open up candid conversations about race, and that’s important. But sometimes, those conversations come back up at the worst times.
Case in point: my wife and I took our son to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. “Do I like the Chinese, Daddy?” my son asked.
“Chinese food…yes.” I nervously replied.
He continued: “Do the Chinese have water, daddy?”
Now things were getting weird.
“Is that Chinese painting?” he asked, pointing to the art on the wall.
“Is that Chinese music?” His voice is getting louder. My shushing and uncomfortable nodding is not tipping him off. I mean, he’s three.
“Is that man Chinese?” He stands up and points to a man walking to the bathroom. No, I answer through my teeth. I didn’t mention that he was most likely Latino, because that would just complicate everything.
Days later, my wife had our son in a store. An African American employee helped my wife find an item, and in the process, sneezed. After he had walked away, my son mentioned that he got “black sneeze” on him. My wife was mortified even though no one (probably) heard.
Even the President isn’t out of range; during the elections, my son saw President Obama on the news and said “that’s the President.”
“It IS,” my wife and I proudly exclaimed.
“He has a black face,” my son added. My proudly-pumped fist turned into a hiding spot for my face as my wife groaned “we don’t say that about people.”
But, he must have thought, it’s true, right?
It is. But how do you explain to a child the right times and ways to identify race? As a father, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about all the right ways of saying “people are all different.” I once even took a knee next to him with a map and attempted to explain that people come from different places and those places all make different looking people.
I haven’t yet figured out how to stop my son from needlessly identifying race, however. Because to me it’s not important, but to him, race is an identifier, and he’s not aware of the multitude of ways throughout history that race, color and culture have been used as a weapon or a means to hurt others.
Maybe I’m being too sensitive. Maybe I’m just supposed to keep teaching my son about racial differences, but take public embarrassment in stride, reminding him that you just don’t point out race when you don’t need to. But still, when do you need to? Never? Only when it’s about something good? Only during the United States Government-approved so-and-so-history-months? That doesn’t seem right.
I guess my son and I will learn it together.
Zach Rosenberg is a husband and father living in Southern California. He is co-founder of fatherhood news site 8BitDad.com, and a contributor to HLNtv.com. You can also find him on Twitter @zjrosenberg.
Top Comments
I don't see the issue here.
Just explain to him that it doesn't matter what color people are or if their eyes are squinted or whatever.
"We Don't do that" is just a way to make them more confused and thus curious.
If he's interested in other Cultures, expose him to other cultures. When I used to live in Texas there were Oriental Art Expositions, where I pretty much became obsessed with Ancient East Asia.
Races ARE different from each other, on more levels than one. Its not healthy to ignore that fact, rather we must acknowledge it as being a part of that culture and to not judge them upon it.
I can say a man is black, I am only stating the truth, but the issue arises when the only point I focus on is his race, or If I avoid his race altogther.
Some people are proud of their genetic heritage. Just think... Of all the hardships your ancestors have been through, they're genetics have survived long enough to create you. Isn't that something to be a LITTLE proud of?
We have spent the last few years living in PNG and have been in Bangkok since September.
Our girls were 2 and 3 when we first moved. Both started preschool full time where all teachers were PNG nationals and most kids were not of Caucasian background (PNG, mixed race, Indian, African, Asian, SE Asian).
It has never been an issue in our house as it is "the norm". My eldest came home from preschool one day and said "I have the same skin as Amelia. Sophia has the same skin as Lucy". Just an observation, same as "I'm the same height as..."
One day I was chatting with our housekeeper. I was talking about Malaysia. She said "what colour are Malaysian people?" I replied "like coffee with milk". She wasn't being racist, just curious.
My point is that there was no value judgement with these observations.
It's hard when kids say things that aren't PC. But usually they aren't saying it to be mean or racist. Often it's just a statement if fact.
After all, most people with dark skin are aware of that! Most Asian people are aware of that fact too.