'I told my best friend I think her husband is controlling. It's slowly eroded our friendship.'

When my best friend got married, it ruined our relationship.

I know, that sounds dramatic but, in our case, it is true.

The problem is that I disapprove of her husband. I find him controlling, insecure and demanding. He seems to be obsessed with making her world smaller rather than larger and I have seen the change in her.

I've seen her life be busy and full and now it's been wilted down to satisfying his needs and wants. I still can't work out if he is abusive or just a terrible partner, but he is the kind of guy who gets insecure if her life is going well. There's also a power imbalance, he is richer and more secure in his career, while she's still figuring stuff out and that has always meant she's felt indebted to him.

Watch: Coercive control is a deliberate pattern of abuse. Post continues after video.

Before their wedding, as a friend, I was stuck in an impossible situation. Yes, I could tell her what I thought but that would mean I'd risk her cutting me off and isolating herself further. (She'd already ghosted a few of our mutual friends who had tried to broach the subject with her). Or I could try to remain as neutral as possible and hope that eventually she'd work it out, and I'd be there for her when she did. 

She didn't work it out. 

I'm not sure; maybe it would have been enough if I told her what I really thought, and she'd have never married him, but who knows? Instead, our relationship has fallen apart slowly.

I've never actually told her I don't like him but she knows I disapprove of him. I try to keep my opinions to myself, but I have occasionally made the odd misstep. I've told her his behaviour was a bit controlling, or I've mentioned that it is abnormal that he cares what kind of photos she posts on Instagram. I've tried not to stick the boot in, but I also don't want to normalise his behaviour.

I’ve never told her to leave him, but my feelings about him have slowly eroded our friendship. Sometimes, I think it is because I simply know too much. She's told me about his tantrums and insecurities, and the reality differs greatly from the version she posts online. For instance, if they go out, he will complain that she gets more attention than him.

I also think it is because she knows me well enough to realise I am horrified by his behaviour. Maybe I've never viciously commented on his behaviour specifically but in the past, I've shared my opinions on men that act similarly. 

Their wedding shone a bright light on my disapproval of him. She was nervous to tell me they got engaged and then didn't include me in the wedding party. She didn't even ask me to speak at the wedding. 

The messages she sent me made it clear she knew I didn't love their relationship. Occasionally she'd make the odd jab or try to get me to admit how I felt about him, but I would never bite. Ultimately, we never had a real conversation, I didn’t want to eclipse her bridal joy with our friendship issues and deep down, I didn't believe she'd listen if I told her what I thought. I also worried she was looking to have a fight so she could justify cutting me off and I didn't want that.

After their wedding, our relationship continued to fall apart. She settled into married life, and I continued with my own. Their marriage has somehow made them closer than ever; therefore, I am currently on the outer. 

She no longer shares with me any issues she has in the relationship and maybe that is because things have got better, but truthfully, I think she's just kept those things to herself. 

Our friendship falling apart has made me really sad. Sometimes I think I should just call her and tell her what I think. Maybe it would be better to lose her entirely rather than have this politeness between us that makes us feel like strangers. But I also figure that, at least for the moment, she knows I'm still here. 

My biggest fear is that I'll say something about his behaviour, and she will stop talking to me and that will mean he will have successfully isolated her. I want to be there in the wings, if she ever needs me, and if that means things are strained, or stuff is left unsaid in our friendship, I can live with that. I couldn't live with her thinking I'm not there for her.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

Feature Image: Getty.