Did you have a lovely relaxing holiday? Did you get away with the family and kick back? Long lie-ins, leisurely walks on the beach. Are you still immersed in such heavenly pursuits, or are you back on deck rejuvenated?
Relaxed.
Or do you, like me, laugh at such an idea. Relax? With three kids in tow? You must be kidding.
My very kind and well meaning family have spent a lot of time over the past Christmas holiday telling me to relax.
Relax it’s the holidays...
Relax the kids aren’t at school...
Relax it's summer....
Relax? Are they freaking kidding? Mums can’t relax, mums don’t relax. In fact in the entire history of modern man the word ‘mum’ and the word ‘relax’ has never actually ever been in a sentence together.
Here are nine reasons why mums can’t just reeelllllllaaaaaaxxxxxx on holidays:
1. Kids are grubs.
Sadly in the holidays kids still wear clothes, in fact with the absence of uniforms they seem to wear a lot MORE clothes.
If you are on a beach holiday those clothes will be wet and sandy and multiply after every swim and every beach visit. Unless you are Jerry Hall and can afford the hotel laundry then it looks like you and your better half will still be doing the washing.
But without meaning to stereotype (sorry dads) when on holidays, some seem to forget the local laundry mat happens to exist, preferring to just hang out the kids' stinky swimmers day after day after day until they acquire a new species growing on them.
2. Kids still eat.
Long, lazy days of devouring the latest offering on your Kindle? Catching up on all the missed podcasts?
Well maybe if the kids didn’t get so damn hungry all the time. What is it with wearing them out with lots and lots of activities that means they want to eat lots and lots and lots of food?
School holidays sometimes makes lunchbox preparation seem appealing.
3. The family has appointed you Cruise Director of all activities.
Kids need to be entertained, they need to be taken places and distracted, they need to be lathered in sunscreen and ladened up with boogie boards and buckets and spades and attended to.
They need to be hauled away from the TV and taken to museums and movies and the thing is that you feel the need to jam in as much quality time as you can before you are back at work/they are back at school/real life takes over.
Who ever said that was relaxing?
4. You still have to nag and negotiate.
Don’t hit your brother. Make sure you share. Put your shoes on. Where’s your hat? Don’t forget your towel. No don’t touch it, don’t touch it. DO NOT TOUCH THAT.
These mums know just what I'm talking about. Post continues after video...
5. Holidays present a lot of dangers.
Think I am over-thinking?
Well you have to when you have three kids.
There are waves to worry about and sunburn to consider, and stingers to sting and trees to fall out of. There are bikes to tumble from and skim milk cappuccinos newly bought and ready to indulge in just waiting to be spilt on teeny-tiny chubby knees.
6. Bored kids do dumb things.
Really? You thought climbing on that roof and jumping off was going to be fun?
7. Relaxing the rules isn’t relaxing for all.
We relax the rules during holidays. Screen time isn’t as limited, bed times aren’t as adhered to, meals are eaten al fresco, treats are more plentiful. But while the kids love it it can be hard on us mums.
Is that too much screen time? Is that too much surgery food? Should I get them out of bed or let them sleep till 9am? Will he have a complete and total melt-down tomorrow after going to bed so late? How the heck am I going to wean them off all those ice-blocks?
8. Some mums (not all) have one extra “child” to attend to.
He means well though doesn’t he?
9. Sooner than you think you are going to have to get back into that routine.
Letting the routine go for a week or two seems like a good idea at the time. Letting the baby skip naps, forgoing feeds, letting him stay in your bed after that early morning bottle just for this week.
It’s a romantic indulgence that’s all laid back and chillaxed at the time.
Until you go back to real life and you know who is going to be putting that baby back in his routine just as you need to go back to work? Yep. You.
How have your holidays been? Did you relax at all?